


My Very Personal Ski Trainer

by Crazyheart



Series: Apps of Love [3]
Category: SKAM (Norway), SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Even Never Transferred to Nissen, Cabin Fic, Candy Canes, Cardamom, Christmas, Different Meeting AU - sort of, Dorks in Love, Fluff and Smut, Games, Julegrøt, M/M, Muscles, POV Even Bech Næsheim, Personal trainer Isak, Potatoes, Resolved Sexual Tension, Santa-hat, Sexual Content, Skam Christmas Challenge 2017, Skiing, Snow, Snowball Fight, Snowed In, The Ski Holiday, Training, Unresolved Sexual Tension, fireplace, russerød, skamchristmas17
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-08 19:34:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 28,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12871515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazyheart/pseuds/Crazyheart
Summary: This is before Christmas 2016. Even never transferred to Nissen, so he’s doing his last year at Bakka. He has just broken up with Sonja and is recovering from a manic and depressive episode. Sana has invited Even and her other friends to a Holiday cabin trip, and Even needs to get in shape so that he can beat his buddies in Sana’s planned ski race. He tries out a personal ski trainer app and meets the hot ski trainer Isak Valtersen. Even struggles to focus only on the training. On the cabin trip, when Even arrives early, a surprise guest turns up and a snowstorm threatens to snow them both in. Who knows what happens next?A different meeting AU and sort of a 4 + 1 (Four times Isak and Even don’t talk for real, and one time they do). This is part of the Skam Stories Christmas Challenge.  :)





	1. Nordmarka (Nordmarka Forest)

**Author's Note:**

> It's December 1st guys! This is part of the Skam Stories Christmas Challenge 3/12: The Ski Holiday (#skamchristmas17). I was supposed to post it all in one day. However, my oneshot got too long, so I decided to part it up in five shorter chapters. I hope that it's okay. You won't have to wait too long for each chapter since it's all written. My plan is to post one chapter every day in five days. I probably should have waited two more days, but I can't wait. It's December 1st, after all! Let's get this started! :)
> 
> Thank you so much @coolauntskam, @arindwell and my third anonymous beta reader for proofreading and betaing for me! You have helped me so much with this, and so supportive, and I'm forever grateful! <3
> 
> This is also a part of the Apps of love series (stories from different universes where Isak and Even meet through different apps). I have a thing for apps, apparently, I don't know, lol. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this! Please leave me a comment if you like it, or not, or if you have questions. I live for the feedback. Thank you!

Lazy Sunday mornings are usually pretty much the same (sleeping in, eating a nice brunch, watching a good movie on his laptop), but this particular Sunday is very different from what Even usually does. And not in a good way, to be honest.

It’s far too early in the morning, so early that it’s still dark, and he’s in the middle of Nordmarka forest. The falling snow is lit up by the yellow lights in the ski trail. Even knows that a lot of people brag about this “source of recreation” only 20 minutes from Oslo city center, but right now he doesn't care. He’s sleepy and cold and he wishes he was snuggled up in his own warm bed.

It’s December 11th and he should be relaxing or maybe doing some Christmas planning. He should not be freezing his ass off. To top it all off he has forgotten his gloves and his fingers are like ice cubes in his pockets. He wishes he could just go home. He can’t do that, though. He’s about to meet his new personal trainer.

Even sighs, and stamps his feet in the snow. It’s not like he is the kind of guy who has a personal trainer, not really. Even has a healthy skepticism to workout and people who work out on a regular basis. They’re just boring people. Well, his best friends used to meet up at the gym three times a week, but they’re just an exception to the rule. He knew most of them before they started doing that, and he knows that they’re not boring, even if what they do at the gym is. He would never date someone who works with something like that on a daily basis, though. Well, _probably_ not. Right now, when he has just broken up with Sonja, after _four years_ with her, he’s not really that picky. He would love to meet someone, and working out is probably not a dealbreaker.

The point is, he reminds himself, he’s not the kind of guy who has a personal trainer. However, something has made him try to become that kind of guy. Or, to be more precise, _someone_ made him. Last weekend Sana invited her brother Elias and his buddies, including Even, and a lot of other people to a cabin trip and a skiing contest during the Christmas holiday. Three weeks from now. And of course, Even’s competitive friends started to bet on who would do best in the race. Most of the guys were terrible at skiing, but they were competitive, and Even knew that the others were regularly working out. He knew they probably would do better than him.

Normally, that wouldn’t have been an issue for him at all. He would have just laughed and enjoyed the banter between the guys. However, he was just climbing out of his depression and he was so fed up of feeling like a loser all the time. During the last year, he had fucked up everything with his first major manic and depressive episode, and the fuckups included that he kissed Mikael, made a fool of himself at school and tried to kill himself. Then he had gotten diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He had decided to take his last year one more time at Bakka, even though he was tempted to transfer, had come out as pan to his friends and was just about to piece his life back together, when he had another manic and depressive episode, fucking everything up some more. He didn’t need another thing to make him feel like a loser right now.

He didn’t say anything, though. Sana had still noticed that something troubled him, of course. She’s so damn observant, that girl. When Even aired his worries to her, she just shrugged and suggested that he try a personal trainer app she knew about, because she knew a guy who was a personal trainer in his free time.  

– Personal Trainer app, Even had said, shaking his head in disbelief. – What’s next?

Sana had just looked at him. – Believe me, there are stranger service apps out there. You should do this, Even. It’s so easy to plan the training, and the personal trainer will push you to get just the results you want.

He knew he needed a push. – Maybe, he muttered.

– Exercise is good for your mood too, you know, she added. – Endorphins. Dopamine. The stuff that makes you feel good.

Even had wanted to groan, but he was too polite to do it. – Okay, yeah, he said, and downloaded the app. He knew that he never would be able to object to anything Sana said, anyway. After a surprisingly short time, the app was up with graphs and goals and a lot of impressive shit, and a guy texted him and said that he could be his personal trainer.

So now Even is here, in the middle of Nordmarka, freezing his balls off, waiting for his personal trainer, called Isak (of course not _that_ Isak, it can’t be), who Even has set up three appointments with.

A dark figure pops up in the snowy landscape in front of him and gets closer. _That must be his PT_ . Even watches the guy approaching him, and suddenly his heart speeds up as he recognizes the familiar figure. _Fucking hell._ It is him, after all.

 _Isak fucking Valtersen_.

It’s not like Even knows him at all. He has seen this guy at a party once or twice, and once visiting Sana. His face has popped up in an Insta or two, too. There was just something about Isak, something indefinable, that made Even notice him. At times his face was so open that he could see every feeling he had, and at other times his face wore this cocky mask that hid everything. It was intriguing. Even had asked Sana about his name. Isak Valtersen. A cute guy. Hot. Smart. And, as he learned, an insensitive douchebag. _Fuck_.

Even had heard him at that party, talking to his friend, with dark curls and impressive eyebrows, saying that mental illness was a pain to relate to. That he was better off without crazy people in his life. He was drunk of course, and seemed to be miserable, but it didn’t excuse saying something like that.

Even had stopped asking about Isak.

Now Isak the douchebag is his personal trainer. _Shit_. Well, it’s only three sessions. If things get too bad, he can always cancel the last ones, too.

Isak is right in front of him.

Even sees green eyes and golden curls under a dark red beanie. Isak wears winter clothes and skis, but not the fancy, neon colored stuff Even has expected. Isak looks at ease. He looks like he’s grown since the last time Even saw him, too. Filled out. It looks good on him.

– Halla, Isak says, smiling a little. – I’m Isak. Even, right?

His voice immediately sends a shiver through Even’s body. He tries to pull himself together. Why is he such a mess? He should stay indifferent to this kid.

– Halla. Yeah, I’m Even.

Isak holds both his ski poles in one hand and removes his glove on the other before he gives Even his hand. They take each other’s hands and bump their shoulders. Even almost wants to cling to the warmth of Isak’s hand. And then the tingling feeling up his spine. _Fuck_.

– You look cold, Isak says looking at him. – Forgot your gloves?

– Yeah. I didn’t expect a snow storm.

Isak laughs, and the soft laughter does things to Even that he doesn’t want to think about. – It’s only flurrying, Isak says. – It will pass soon. It’s going to be sunny later this morning. But wait…

He bends down to open his backpack. – You’re lucky I brought another pair of gloves. I just tend to pack a little extra. Always prepared, you know.

Even watches him as he goes through his backpack. Isak’s head bobs a little as he talks, and Even notices his golden curls sticking out under his beanie. He talks a little fast, almost like he’s nervous. Even can’t help smiling a little, against his own will. It’s like Isak is cool and awkward at the same time. It’s cute. How come he’s so cute?

Isak hands over his extra pair of gloves, and Even feels a little taken aback at the kind gesture. This guy can’t be all bad, then, maybe? Even thanks him and puts the gloves on. His relief when the cold eases out of his fingers makes him smile again. When he looks up, he meet’s Isak’s gaze.

Green eyes are locked on Even for a moment, before Isak looks away, almost like he’s embarrassed. – I think I have seen you before, he says, and looks back at Even. It doesn’t sound like a question, and Isak doesn’t look like he wonders at all. He knows. – You know Eva, right?

 _Right_ . Eva, Sana’s friend. _His_ friend. She had transferred to Bakka in the middle of her first year before Even had his… incident. They had connected at once. If it weren’t for Sonja, he would probably have fallen for her. Even nods. – Uh, yeah. Do you know her?

Isak smiles a little, but he kind of looks sad. – Yeah, we went to junior high together. And the first year at Nissen. She was the girlfriend of my best friend, Jonas. You know, before she transferred to Bakka. The three of us used to hang together all the time when we started in the first year.

– Ah, Jonas, yeah, Eva has mentioned him. I have seen you around with him, I think. At a party or something.

Like he ever would forget that. _I’m better off without crazy people in my life, Jonas_.

Isak looks at him for a moment, like he’s trying to figure something out. Then he looks away. There is still a sadness hiding in his eyes. – Cool. So. Did Eva ever tell you why she transferred?

Even has to think for a moment. – Something about rumors going wild about her making out with someone else than Jonas?

Isak nods. His eyes are locked on Even again, and he almost looks like a deer caught in headlights. Like he is afraid. And guilty? That’s strange.

But then Isak looks away again. – So is Eva alright? I haven’t talked to her in a while.

– She’s good. She still hangs with Sana from time to time, I think. And some of the other girls from Nissen.

Recognition blinks in Isak’s eyes. – Sana?

– Yeah, you know her, right? From Nissen? She mentioned that she has Biology with you.

A surprised little smile lingers in the corner of Isak’s mouth. – Yeah, she does. I just didn’t know that you knew her, too.

– Well, I do. Her brother, Elias, is one of my best friends, actually.

Isak stares at him, and his lips are parted, like he’s in awe. It strikes Even that Isak’s face really is wide open sometimes. So easy to read. It’s fascinating.

– Wow, Isak mutters. – Small world.

– Yeah.

It’s silent between them for a moment. Then:

– So. Do you want to get better at skiing? Isak says. It’s like he has put his professional mask on.  

– Yeah, I’m going to be in a ski race this Christmas, Even admits. – and I don’t want to be a… loser. Thought I should prepare.

Isak smiles. – Smart of you. I thought that we could do a little cross country skiing today, so I can observe your strengths and…

– … weaknesses.

– Uh, yeah. I suppose.

Isak looks him over. – Looks like you’re in good shape, though.

His eyes widen and he suddenly looks flustered. – I mean. Uh. You can put on your skis now. Do you know the basics, or should we start from scratch?

Even pushes away his confusion about the way Isak is looking at him and acting awkward and starts to put on his skis. With his gloves on, it isn’t easy. – Yeah, well, I used to go skiing every winter when I was younger. I just haven’t kept it up. Like, at all. I don’t think I have used these skis in three or four years.

Isak whistles. – Okay, well, I guess that’s not so bad. To be honest I’m pleased that you’re using your old skis. So many people start out buying the fanciest equipment and the most expensive clothes, and when they give up after a week or two, the fancy stuff ends up gathering dust instead.

– Well, no fancy stuff here, Even smiles. – My old anorak, lots of wool and old skis will have to suffice.

Isak’s eyes are on him when he stands up. He looks a little flushed and nervous when he looks away. – Good. Let’s get going so you get warmer.

They start to move, and it surprises Even that his feet and arms seem to remember something, after all. His technique is probably very rusty, but at least he moves forward. Isak sets his pace to match his. – This is good, he says. – When you feel like it, you can try to go a little faster. So you get your pulse up.  

Even finds a rhythm and starts to enjoy himself. He still feels cold, but as he gets the pace up, he can feel that he gets warmer. The fact that Isak follows his rhythm is nice, too. It’s like they have an unspoken agreement between them.

Everything’s quiet and beautiful. It has stopped snowing, and the snow on the ground and the trees is like a silent blanket around them. All the sounds are muted by the snow. It makes Even feel strangely comfortable. The trail lights go off as the morning light slowly changes their surroundings.

– The sun’s rising, Even breathes, as he watches the sky get brighter in the east. – It’s beautiful.

Isak follows his gaze, and for a moment he looks like he’s in awe. His eyes stare at the sky and his lips are parted. His breath makes smoke in the air around his face. – You’re right. Damn, that is beautiful.

Even is slightly amused. – Don’t you usually go skiing here in the morning? Or have you just not noticed this before?

Isak looks a little hot in his face. – Uh, I usually start out later in the morning, but I wanted to have an early start. So that we don’t have to stress.

Even raises his eyebrows. – You know that I have just paid for three hours today, right?

– Yeah, sure. If I don’t get you back before half-past eleven it’s on me. That’s about my lunchtime anyway.

– Oh okay, Even says and looks at the sky again. – You really haven’t noticed before? I wish I had brought a better camera, I won’t be able to capture that light with my phone.

Isak looks at him. – I’m not really a nature kind of guy, he says, and looks like he’s admitting a big secret. – I’m a city guy. I just like to use my body, and I know a thing or two about working out. And skiing is peaceful.

– You can appreciate something beautiful when you see it, though.

Isak only looks at him then, and his smile is secretive.

They move on and Even is surprised that the skiing is going better than he had feared. When they have skied more than an hour, Isak looks at him. – Maybe we should have a little rest and some food?

He points to a fallen tree in the sun that they can sit on.

– Sure, Even agrees. Even if it’s not really lunchtime yet, he feels both tired and hungry.

They take off their skis and sit down on the tree. It feels amazing. – So, Even says, as he digs after the grilled cheese toasties he put in his own bag. – Do you think you can help me?

–  Yeah, sure. You just need a little more technique, confidence and maybe a little more strength in your arms and legs.

–  Sounds like a lot.

Isak shakes his head. – You'll do good. I’ll send you a training program so you can do some exercises before our next appointment.

– Okay, do you need my number?

– Nah, that’s okay, we can message each other through the app, just like when you ordered the sessions.

Even nods and smiles. So much for trying to exchange numbers.

Isak smiles too, as he picks up a thermos. – Would you like some coffee?

– I’m more a fan of tea, to be honest. Or cocoa.

Isak looks like he’s thinking. – Well, I have milk for the coffee, too, does that help? And it tastes of cardamom, he grins. – A lot of cardamom is essential, you see.

– Oh, is that the trick? Even smiles. – For it to be good?

Isak laughs. And Even accepts a cup of cardamom coffee with milk. It tastes better than he thought it would. When he makes a sound of pleasure, Isak looks at him with a lost look on his face.

It makes Even wonder. Is Isak straight? Is Even just imagining the tension he feels between them at times? He can’t quite figure it out.

Maybe Isak isn’t so easy to read, after all.

He shakes off his thoughts and focuses on his hunger. – I brought some cheese toasties, he says, offering them for Isak to pick one. – They’re cold now, of course, but they should be edible.

Isak smiles and takes one of the toasties. –  Sounds good, thanks, he said. – Regular meals are important if you want to have good results, you know. You need fuel. Do you eat okay?

Even shrugs. – I probably eat too seldom, and sometimes it’s not so healthy, I suppose.

Isak nods. – I can send you suggestions for what you could eat through the app. And maybe you could message me pictures of your meals? That could motivate you to eat right. And enough.

– Huh, sure, I could try.

Isak smiles and offers Even some carrot sticks. – You must remember the five a day, you know, he smiles.

Even loves that smile; a little self conscious and ironic, like he knows he’s being a little annoying.

– Thanks, he says.

They eat in silence for a moment, until Isak pulls out a Kvikk Lunch chocolate and an orange that they share. Just like they probably both used to share them on school ski trips or on trips with their families when they were kids. It makes Even feel nostalgic and happy, which probably was Isak’s point in the first place.

– Sometimes food’s not just fuel, Isak says, smiling. – Sometimes it’s for pleasure, too. Recreation, you know.

– Yeah.

Even savors the sweet taste, shuts his eyes and lets the sun warm his face for a moment. What a Sunday morning. Maybe this won’t be so bad, after all.  

He struggles to understand how this kind and lovely boy, Isak, can be an insensitive douchebag at the same time. It’s strange. But he tells himself that he needs to remember it. He needs to protect his heart. Isak doesn’t want someone like Even in his life. He’s just a personal trainer, anyway.

Sitting still makes them feel colder after a little while, and they set their course back to where they started. Even is still pleased that he has managed to do as well as he has. His muscles are sore, but he still manages to move forward, and he hasn’t fallen that much. It’s okay.

Then they reach some small slopes. Even knows he should manage it, no problem. He still doesn’t feel confident sliding down the first slope. His legs tremble, but he’s relieved when he manages to get to the bottom of the slope without falling. Isak sends him a smile.

Not long after that, there’s another slope, and Even tells himself it’s going to be okay. He tries to fake a confidence that he doesn’t feel as he pushes off down the slope, smiling gamely and waving to Isak who is following right behind.

A mistake, waving. Even promptly falls flat on his face, making his skis and ski poles fly everywhere. _Fuck_. He staggers upright and grits his teeth.

– You okay? Isak asks, and his voice reveals that he’s trying to hide his laughter.

 _Okay?_ Even thinks, feeling even more embarrassed. _Is he for real?_ Even looks up, and when he sees the laughter bubbling behind his smile, suddenly he feels like he must smile, too. He can’t help it. – Yeah, I’m fine. I only hurt my pride, really.

They chuckle a little together. Then Isak smiles. – I was watching you and you have the right moves, you know. You only have two small… problems. You are too tense and you lack confidence. Both of these feed off each other, making each of them worse. If you can kill off one, the other will fade away as well.

– Okay, so what do you suggest?

Isak looks at him, and something undefinable flicker through his eyes. – Well, it takes time to build confidence on the slopes, but I will show you an exercise to release some of that tension. When you aren’t so tense you will ski better and your confidence will build.

– What’s the exercise, then?

Isak smiles as he takes off his skis. Then he picks up his phone and earplugs from his backpack. – We’re going to dance.

Even stares at him. – Dance.

– Yeah. Most relaxation exercises are about meditating and stuff. But out here in the cold, we need to do a rhythmic movement and mindful exercise. _Dance_.

Even realizes that he should follow Isak, and he slips off his own skis. – Do you mean like couples dance?

Isak looks like he’s blushing a little. – Uhm, yeah, that’s not a bad idea, actually. That will make it easier to follow the same rhythm.

He gives Even one of his earplugs and puts the other into one of his own ears. “Express yourself” beats into Even’s ear, and he wants to laugh. He loves that tune, it always makes him happy, but this is fucking weird. Dancing to a rap song in the middle of the forest? In the snow? Well, if it can make him relax, who cares. The rhythm is kind of groovy.

They step off of the ski trail and Isak reaches out and rests his hands on Even’s hips. His cheeks are a pretty pink as their eyes meet, but he still starts moving. Hesitantly Even puts his arms around Isak’s shoulders. The music beats into his ear as they start swaying and moving. Even tries a few steps in the snow just to see if he can manage without stumbling. This feels odd. And a little too intimate. He doubts that he will be more relaxed after this.

– Listen to the rhythm and let loose, Isak says, smiling. Even feels silly and chuckles a little as they both get more confident and allow themselves to fool around a little. Jumping around and moving their hips as they hold onto each other.  

The jumping is tiresome in the snow though, and their movements calm down a little.

– Focus on the sensation of your feet touching the ground, Isak says in a low murmur. His eyes stare into Even’s, and suddenly the silly feeling seeps away. Even feels hot in his head. Warm in his hands. Tight in his chest. – Focus on the rhythm of your breath, and the feeling of your body and the sun and wind against your face.

So Even moves, and he focuses on the feelings in his feet, and his body. Isak’s hands on his hips are warm. His eyes are so green. Damn, that’s not helpful. _Breathe_. Even breathes, and focuses on his breath.

Isak laughs, and his laughter does something to Even again. A tingling feeling in his belly. – Feel the rhythm, Isak breathes.

Even looks up, and meets Isak’s gaze again. Damn, he’s cute. He looks like he doesn’t know where to look, though. Even wants to tickle him. Pull him down in the snow. Make him relax, too.

 _Focus_ . _The rhythm_. _Breathe_.

Isak blinks. – Uh, if your mind wanders to other thoughts, just… return to focusing on your breathing and movement, Isak says.

Even needs to feel him a little closer, so he puts his arms tighter around Isak. Isak breathes and Even breathes, and they are so close. They stumble and sway around in the snow and suddenly Even feels it. He feels the rhythm in his body, the breath and the beat in his own movements and in Isak’s body in front of him, and he smiles. He smiles and smiles and Isak smiles back, and when the tune ends, Even has to hug him.

He pulls Isak into a tight bear hug, hiding his face in Isak’s neck. – Fuck I have never felt so stupid in my life before, he breathes, laughing. His body feels surprisingly limp and relaxed. – Stumbling around in the forest like this. But it definitely takes my mind off worrying!

Isak laughs into his neck. – It sure does.

Damn that tingling feeling.

Even leans back. He wants to touch Isak’s hair, but he knows that he can’t. – I think that a snow fight or a tickle could have done the same, though.

Isak’s eyes linger on him as he laughs. – Probably. But we would have been a lot colder afterwards.

Even sighs. – You’re so reasonable. Where’s the fun in that?

Isak only chuckles. He licks his lips, and suddenly Even wants to lick them, too. _Fuck_. When Isak looks at Even, there’s something in his eyes, something that Even doesn’t know how to define. The only thought he has is that he would like to taste Isak’s lips. He knows that he should let Isak go, but he doesn’t want to. He leans a little closer, just a little closer…

– Isak?

Isak jumps back like someone has hit him.

 _Damn_. Even’s not sure, but he has a feeling that he was so close to kissing Isak. And now some fucker interrupted them.

A blonde head and a bright smile greet them. – Hi, Isak, I didn’t know you were here today? Are you working, or what?

– Hi Magnus, Isak sighs, and Even can tell that he knows the other guy well. Are they friends? Boyfriends? They don’t kiss, but they might not be out? One thing is certain. Isak and Magnus are close. It becomes evident when Magnus throws himself around Isak. – I’m so glad to see you, Isak, skiing around here alone is just boring.

– Sure, Isak mutters. – I am working, though.

Then Magnus turns around and grabs Even’s hand. Smiles a wide smile. – I’m Magnus. Nice to meet you, too, he says. – I hope Isak is treating you right.

Even puts on a smile that he hopes looks sincere. – Even, he says. – He sure knows what he’s doing.

– Can I join you on your way back? Magnus asks then.

Isak sighs, and Even feels a tiny hope that he’ll say no. – That’s not… I am working, Magnus.

– I won’t bother you. I’m sure Even here won’t mind.

Saying no isn’t Even’s strength. But right now, he really wishes it was.

– I… uh… I guess it’s fine, but I’m not sure if Isak will be able to teach me everything if you are here.

– Oh, it’s fine, Magnus says then, and throws his arm around Isak’s shoulder. – I’ll help.

 _Fuck_ , Even swears in his head. Just his luck of course. It’s a small consolation that Isak looks a little disappointed, too, though.

On their way back, Even does his best to focus on his movements, and to follow Isak’s tips and small encouragements, but his mind is busy thinking about Isak’s lips and wondering what might have happened if Magnus never had shown up.


	2. Innevær (Weather for Staying Inside)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the last chapter Even met his personal trainer Isak in Nordmarka forest. Even couldn't help being infatuated, although he knew that Isak's attitudes about mental health were questionable.
> 
> On Even’s second appointment with Isak, the bad weather forces Isak and Even to do the training inside, and they meet up at Isak’s fitness centre. This gives Even the chance to ogle Isak's well-built body in fewer clothes. And Isak is hands on as a Trainer. In other words, there will be some sexual tension. The boys get to know each other better, too, and they end up telling each other some very personal things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the second chapter! Thank you to my betareaders for proofreading, betaing and being amazing! ❤️
> 
> And thank you all for the kudos and lovely comments! ❤️ I hope you like this, and please tell me what you think!

After the ski trip in Nordmarka, Even collapses on the sofa and stays there for a long time before he has the energy to take a shower and try to get something else done. After a long, hot shower and some more time on the sofa, he finally drags himself outside and meets Yousef and Elias for a cup of tea and a chat.

He really doesn’t want to tell them about his new app or about Isak. For some reason, he wants to keep Isak mostly to himself, and not only because of the ski competition. So he chats at length about his newest movie project and is very supportive of Yousef when he sighs over how amazing Sana is.

Elias still seems to be onto something, since he keeps asking Even if he’s crushing on someone. – You look different somehow, he says. – More twinkling, or something.

In the end, Even breaks. He must tell them. – Guys, he sighs. – I’m so fucked up right now.

– Tell us something new, Elias deadpans. – What is it, this time?

– I have gotten a personal trainer.

Both the boys stare at him, and then they burst out laughing.

– You what? Yousef asks.

Even groans. – A personal ski trainer, actually. I am trying to improve a little for, you know, the cabin trip.

– Fuck, are you taking the race that seriously? Yousef asks. – You know that I almost can’t ski at all, right?

– Maybe not, but you work out all the time. _All_ of you work out. I just needed to get in shape. I’m fed up with being a loser.

Elias must catch something in his voice, because he is serious when he says: – You’re not a loser, Even. I’m the one without a job or a future, remember?

– You have a future, Elias, come on, Even smiles. He knows that Elias is struggling a little at the moment, but he also knows that he’s going to figure it out. He always does. – My point is. My personal trainer. It’s _Isak_. You know, from Sana’s school?

– Sana’s biology buddy? Elias asks then.

– Yeah.

Even leans over the table and groans into his arms. – I’m so fucked.

When he looks up the others just stare at him.

– Isak? Yousef asks. – Don’t you hate him, or something? Is that the problem? Can’t you just get another personal trainer?

– Even doesn’t hate Isak, doofus, Elias says then, with a slow smile. – A hopeless romantic like you should know this, but I guess you’re blind at the moment. Even is in love.

Even winces. – I’m not _in love_. Or, I don’t think so. Maybe a little. Isak’s just so beautiful and funny, and hot, and I just don’t know what to do.

Elias shrugs. – Have a little flirt, what’s wrong with that?

– I shouldn’t. I mean, this is his job. And I don’t even know if he’s interested in boys, I don’t know if he’s single and…. I don’t know why he has issues with mental illnesses.

He shifts in his seat.

– Ah yeah, _that_ was why you hated him. I remember it now, Yousef says. – So. He’s probably a douchebag. Most personal trainers are. It’s all the attention they get, you know, it goes to their heads.

Even shrugs. – I don’t know. He’s kind, too. Smart, and funny. It’s confusing.

– Well, douchebag or not, you can always flirt a little. No harm in that, is there?

Even shakes his head. – I suppose. But I don’t know if I’m capable of doing anything else other than staring longingly at him, to be honest.

Yousef laughs. – Well, that’s how you flirt, isn’t it?

– Says who, teases Even.

The talk dissolves into banter and laughter and Even forgets his troubles as the three of them have a good time. When they part ways, Even feels ridiculously lucky. He’s so glad that he never transferred to another school, like he had thought he would. He doesn’t dare to think about what would have happened if he hadn’t chosen to stay and get his friends back.

The rest of his Sunday Even spends surfing on the internet and editing one of his movies.

He’s ready to go to bed when he discovers a message waiting for him in the Personal Trainer App:

_You worked hard today. Have a good rest -Isak-_

Even can see it was written a couple of hours after their ski trip, about when Even was having tea with his buddies. Even smiles, and types an answer: _Thanks, I will. Good night._

After just a moment, Isak answers: _Good night..._

Good night. _Dot dot dot_. What does that mean? Even stares at the text for a moment, but then he decides not to think much of it. He knows that personal trainers like Isak keep in touch with customers like that, so it doesn’t mean anything. He leaves it at that.

Even goes to bed early that evening. His body aches in a good way when he snuggles under his duvet, and he falls asleep almost at once.

The next day, Even is sore all over, of course. It helps that he wakes up to another message from Isak: _Good morning Even, how ru today? Any muscle soreness?_

_Yup my thighs, legs, arms and basically my whole body feel sore but it feels good :D_

_Hehe, that's normal during recovery._ ;) _Recreation is important, but sometimes the best medicine is to do more workout._

That makes Even snort and wince in pain. _I think I’ll take it easy today. I have a lot of other stuff I need to do, too._

_Sure. No more excuses please and thank you. :) Oh, and where are the pics of food I asked you to send me. #helpMEhelpYOU #grin_

_Ok ok you're kind of sadistic, you know_

_Yes, I am. Do not miss a meal, please. Txt me everything_

Shit, Isak is pushy. Even knows that he needs the push, but he feels more frustrated than motivated. He still does it, though. He eats eggs and tomatoes for breakfast and sends Isak an artistic photo of them through the app.

 _Damn, that looked good_ , Isak replies, and Even smiles.

After school Even fights his own resistance and puts on some sweatpants and a t-shirt and does the exercises Isak has written down for him. Afterwards, he still feels sore, but he’s a lot better. He even manages to go out to get some Christmas presents. He starts to get optimistic. Maybe he can do this. Maybe he can get in shape and maybe not make a fool of himself in that ski race.

As he’s coming home from his shopping, a text pops up on his phone from Sana.

_So, how was the ski trainer person, then? Was it alright?_

Even has to smile. _It was good, Sana. You know him, though. It’s Isak._

_You got Isak? lol How do you feel about that? You said something about being so over that asshole or something?_

Uhm, yeah. That’s the question. Even thinks for a moment. _I just heard him say something stupid and insensitive once_ , he types. _He’s alright as a personal trainer, though._

He doesn’t go into the whole “crush on his personal trainer” situation.

Sana is quick to answer. _Isak says stupid things and does stupid things all the time. Did I tell you about the time he hid his buddy’s weed at Eva’s house? Such an idiot. But he has his good sides._

_No, you didn’t tell me, Sana. You didn’t tell me that he knew Eva at all, actually._

_Right. Well, he does. They used to be tight before Eva left._

_Was Isak being an idiot back then, too?_

_Eva hasn’t said much about it, but yeah, I am pretty sure of it._

_Okay, good to know._

Even isn’t sure what to think of it. For some reason, he doesn’t feel worse about Isak, even if Sana confirms that Isak has been an idiot more than once. It’s more like it makes Even curious. Why does Isak say and do these things? He seems like a nice guy otherwise? It’s confusing.

 _So what are his good sides, then?_ he asks, after a little while.

_Shit, you had to ask, of course. Well. He’s clever, and funny at times, and he stands up for his friends. If you push him a little, he can be very helpful, too. If you talk to him and tell him shit, he listens, thinks about it and acts accordingly. I kind of like him._

Even stares at the text, realizing that Sana _really_ likes this guy, even if she mostly has complained about him the few times Even has asked about him. Even doesn’t know what to say to that.

 _Okay_ , he finally writes.

 _Don’t you ever tell him that I said this, though_ , she types next.

And Even can only laugh.

He surprises himself as in the following days he develops a routine. He works out every other day; sometimes going skiing and sometimes doing exercises at home. He has pains and aches everywhere, but he still does it. Of course, it helps that Isak sends him motivational texts once in awhile. Most of them aren’t that motivational, really, but just silly memes and jokes. It still motivates him. He wants to show Isak that he’s doing his best.

But then the bad weather starts. On Friday, December 16th, when they have their next appointment, it’s raining and storming so much that Even realizes that going skiing is not an option. He sends Isak another message via the app. _Can we go skiing in this weather?_

 _Do you think bad weather is an excuse?_   Isak writes back. _Let’s meet up at my gym instead. I will make you sweat, don’t you worry._

Oh. That last sentence does something to Even, and the thought of Isak in fewer clothes, does too. Damn.

 _Okay_ , he types, _that sounds interesting. See you later._

About an hour later they meet up at Isak’s fitness center. Isak smiles when he sees Even. He looks good. It’s weird to see him in low slung shorts and a tight t-shirt. Almost intimate. He shows off his nice legs and strong arms, well, almost everything, and Even doesn’t know where to look.

– Hi, Isak says as he gives Even a quick hug. Again, Even wonders if Isak is single, or if Magnus is his boyfriend. Again, he thinks about that almost kiss. Because, it _was_ an almost kiss, right?

Isak shows him the room with the weights and the gym equipment (torture machines). This late in the evening time it’s just Even, Isak and a few others there.

Isak smiles as he finds Even’s exercise plan. – One of the perks of my job is the free memberships here. And my clients come here for free, of course. They wanna reel you possible new customers in.

– Yeah, I get that, Even laughs. He likes that Isak doesn’t try to push a membership on him, even if that probably is expected of him.

They decide to start out running and cycling and take one round of the weight machines after that. As Even is cycling, he realizes that he’s started to like getting his pulse up. Cycling is still just as boring as it always has been, but he likes the feeling of his muscles warming up and he likes to push himself until he is breathing heavily.

He throws a glance at Isak, and sees that his neck and face are starting to redden, and he’s breathing heavily. He grins, though, and his smile gives Even another tingling feeling in his gut.

– Feels good, yeah? Isak breathes.

– Yeah, Even agrees, trying to tell himself that he shouldn’t feel attracted at all. He should feel warm and ready to work out. It doesn’t help.

– It’s the hormones, you know, Isak pushes out.

– Huh?

– Endorphins, dopamine, all those lovely hormones. Makes this boring shit feel like fun.

He laughs, and his breathless, raspy laugh is something Even didn’t know that he needed to hear. He needs to hear it.

He has found a nice rhythm cycling and he pushes and pushes his legs and breathes and breathes. – Sana said it’s good for your mood, he says.

– It sure is.

– There are other ways to get those hormones flowing, too, right?

– Sure, Isak snorts. – Like cuddles. Laughing. Having sex.

– Mhm, Even laughs, and wiggles his eyebrows. – Thought so. That sounds so much more like fun than this.

– I know, Isak giggles. – You’re doing good, though.

Even blushes, not knowing what to do with the praise.

They move over to the weights and machines, and Isak starts to show him how everything works. Even tries to focus and do the exercises just as Isak has shown him, however it proves to be difficult. Isak has a beautifully trained body, and muscles that any Greek god would have appreciated. When Isak works out next to him, Even can’t help but notice how his arms bulge. It’s difficult to tear his eyes away from Isak’s body and not least the outline of his dick in his sweatpants.

 _Oh fuck_. Look away. He needs to look away. Even looks down and counts his own repetitions. He pushes himself for the last repetitions, but for the final two, his arms start to give in.

– That’s good, Isak says, as Even’s about to give up. – Just a few more pushes. You’re doing great. Come on, you deserve to make this.

His words do something to Even. He struggles, but manages another push.

– Yeah! Isak says, grinning. – Look at you, working so hard. Do you feel how your muscles work? One more!

Even groans, but obeys. His arms are shaking as he pushes one final time. He collapses, breathing heavily.

– That’s it, Even, so good. You are doing fucking great.

 _God_. Even stares at Isak and feels an involuntary shudder going through his body. What the hell? He suddenly understands why people so easily crush on their personal trainers. These praises do things to him. Make him want to please Isak and… uh, pull him close and let him fuck him over one of the machines, to be honest.  Who knew that encouragement could turn him on like this?

They move over to another machine, and then another, and all the time Isak is praising him and pushing him to do more. It’s maddening. _You’re doing so good, Even._ _Such a good boy. So good for me._ Okay, those last ones were only a result of Even’s horned up imagination. It still felt like Isak had said something like that. Even pushes his weights as he holds back a groan and bites his teeth. Hopes that Isak can’t see how flustered he is.

Luckily, Isak also does some exercises, so Even doesn’t have to endure Isak’s eyes on him all the time. Well, looking at Isak isn’t much better for his state of mind, though. As Even is about to move over to a new station, he hears Isak breathing heavily while completing his last two bench presses. Without thinking Even moves behind Isak’s bench to make sure he doesn’t get caught if his strength gives in. With a heavy groan, Isak presses the last pole up and gasps for breath.

– Thank you, he breathes and looks at Even with eyes wide.

– No problem, Even says. – You did it yourself, he adds.

– Still, it was good that you were there, Isak says with a smile, and _wow_ , what a smile. – I can give you a hand too, if you need me to.

Even needs to take a deep breath, but nods and moves to an apparatus to do some chin ups. He feels Isak’s eyes on his back. After pulling himself up with his arms four times, it’s full stop. His arm strength isn’t really impressive.

Suddenly he hears Isak’s voice behind him. – I'll push you up a couple of times, so you'll get more out of your workout, he says. His hands land on Even’s hips.

 _Okay. This is fine. Just fine._ Even lifts himself once more with Isak’s support. He can feel Isak’s strong hands around his hips, and he almost forgets the strain because of the tingling feeling spreading through his body.

After managing some more lifts, Even lets go of the pole. He thought he would collapse on the floor, but Isak’s strong arms hold him and give him a good landing. Isak sort of keeps standing behind Even holding onto his hips for a moment, before he finally lets go.

– Nice, Even hears his weak voice say, before he steps back.

When Even turns around, Isak seems to be very interested in something on his shoes. – So, I think we have finished our round now, he says. He slowly raises his eyes and meets Even’s eyes. – You’ve been doing a great job.

– Uh, thanks.

Even has a hard time believing that, since he has been obsessing over Isak’s mouth, upper arms and thighs, most of the time. Uh. And hands.

Isak smiles a little. – So, what do you think? Was this alright?

Even has to concentrate not to say something inappropriate. Like, _Yeah, was it as good for you as it was for me?_ Or, _It would have been even better if you fucked me over the bench press._

He cleared his throat. – Well, training in a gym isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. But I guess I prefer to go skiing, or maybe play a game or something, if I can choose.

Isak nods, looking a little embarrassed again. – I’m supposed to persuade you to schedule more appointments here, but I won’t do that then.

Even must smile. – Okay, thanks.

– We still have some of your time left, Isak says. – Maybe we should just shower and talk a little about how you’re doing afterwards? Maybe eat a little, as well?

The thought of Isak and the shower makes Even sweat more. Are they going to be in the same shower, and the same locker room? _Oh, God_.

– Sure, he breathes. – Sure, that’s fine.

– Good.

Isak nods, turns around and heads for the locker room.

Even feels a heat in his earlobes and looks after Isak with something he guesses is badly hidden interest. He takes a deep breath or two, before he picks up his water bottle and towel and stumbles after him. Isak is not in the locker room, but Even hears the shower. Even moves a few steps into the room so he can take a quick look. There, Isak stands under the running water with a flat body and a half hard-on while he washes himself thoroughly. Then Even hears as he turns off the water, sighs a little and moves into the sauna.

Even stands there a little reluctantly, feeling dizzy and wondering if he should follow Isak. He undresses and goes into the shower, still pondering that question. After a few minutes in the shower, however, he has made his decision. Even has to see more of Isak, he just has to.

With a towel around his waist he walks into the sauna and immediately sees Isak leaning against the wall in the darkest corner of the room. Even sits down facing Isak, so that he’s not imposing, but also so that he can get a perfect view of Isak and his body. Just because. Isak is so hot, and he can’t stop himself imagining kissing and licking Isak’s abs. To his horror his dick starts to harden.

Even takes a deep breath and releases it. Tries to force his body to calm down. – The heat feels good after training, he says, relaxing a little, and shutting his eyes for a moment.

– Mmmm, he hears Isak answer. As Even opens his eyes, he sees Isak straightening up. He directs his green, intense eyes right at Even’s. – It’s getting a little too hot for me, he says in a husky voice. – I just wanted to relax a little as I dry off. I didn’t really think we were going to stay in here for long.

– Good, Even nods, although he’s a little disappointed that he can’t ogle Isak some more. – I’m kind of hungry, so…

He actually is. His stomach makes a growling sound proving his point.

Isak smiles. The heat in the sauna has made him red on his chest and cheeks. – Yeah, I am too, he says, standing up and holding his towel closely around his hips. – I think I’ll go to cool down and put some clothes on.

Even nods. – Sure, I’ll be there soon, he says.

Only he has to wait a moment, until his dick has calmed down. He takes deep breaths, counts and thinks about boring stuff, trying to tell his dick to fucking chill, and after a little while his dick finally does what it’s told.

He takes a quick shower to cool down and when he comes out into the locker room, Isak has dressed already. Isak smiles at him. – I’ll be by the sitting area in the common room, he says. – I thought we could eat and talk a little there.

– Sounds good, Even nods, and picks up his bag.

As Isak quickly leaves the room, it looks like his face is a little red. Maybe Isak finds this business of training and showering together a little embarrassing, too. It doesn’t mean anything, though. Probably. Even puts his clothes on, as he tells himself to chill and not make a fool of himself.

He usually spends a little time on his hair, but he doesn’t want Isak to wait. He just takes a quick look in the mirror, brushes his hand through his hair, throws his bag over his shoulder and heads out to find Isak.

– I have brought some Spanish tortilla, Isak tells Even when he comes over. – One of my flatmates, Noora, helped me make this, he explains.

Even sits down next to him. – That’s cool.

– Yeah, we were talking about healthy food and Noora had to tell me about the importance of potatoes, Isak laughs.

Even smiles, and accepts the bowl Isak hands him. – Thanks.

The food tastes good. Amazing, actually. Even takes big bites of the food and chews eagerly. – Do you always bring food and drink and stuff for your clients? Even asks.

Isak’s eyes are locked on Even’s chewing mouth for a moment. – Nah, not really. Normally I bring some protein bars or something, and I tell my customers to bring snacks themselves. I guess I was inspired, or something.

Even smiles, feeling kind of pleased that this is something special.

Their talk is light and easy as Isak shows Even his suggestions for his workout plan.

Even notices that he eats slowly, in the hope that he won’t have to go too soon. However, when they both are finished, it doesn’t seem like Isak is in a hurry to go, either.

– You know, Sana was the one to recommended this app to me, Even says.

Isak nods. – Yeah, when you said you knew her I almost guessed that it was her.

– She didn’t tell me that _you_ worked as a personal trainer, though.

Isak looks at him, and there’s surprise in his eyes. – I didn’t think you knew who I was at all.

Even raises his eyebrows. He wonders in what world he wouldn’t have noticed Isak. Without thinking about it, his voice drops lower. – Oh, you’re not that invisible, Isak.

Isak averts his eyes. – Oh. Okay, he says, with another blush in his cheeks. His eyes start to wander around the room, like he doesn’t know where to look. – You know, it’s thanks to Eva that I started up as a personal trainer.

– Yeah?

His eyes rest on Even a millisecond. – Yeah. You see, Sana was telling me about how pleased Eva was with her personal trainer app. She apparently downloaded it when she started at Bakka, and she liked it a lot. At the time I was really bored, and I had just started to work out and wanted to check if I could earn some money like that.

– Huh, cool that something good came out of her changing schools, then.

Isak looks at him, and something sad flickers through his eyes again, just like the first time when they talked about Eva. Even can hear him swallow. – Did you know… it’s my fault that Eva had to transfer schools?

– Your fault?

– Yeah…

Isak looks like he regrets that he said something in the first place. But then he takes a deep breath. – Jonas is my best friend, you know, and I uh… Back in the first year at Nissen, he dated Eva. But I was kind of jealous of them, and I did some really shitty things to the both of them.

Isak shuts his mouth and clasps his lips together. It’s pretty obvious that he has just said more than he wanted to.

Even stares at him. _Wow._ That was a lot at once. He barely registers the fact that Isak was jealous (was it because of Eva or because of Jonas?) and focuses on the other thing. – So… Did you have something to do with the rumors?

– Yeah, I was such an asshole, Isak answers, looking both nauseous and brave at the same time. – My whole life was pretty bad at the time, and I was scared, angry and jealous. So when Eva told me that she had kissed this other guy, I got so mad at her for hurting Jonas. I told myself that she didn’t deserve him. So I told someone about it. And then the rumors started.

– Damn.

– Yeah. So. I was basically the reason for Eva changing schools. I tried to fix things, and to tell her not to, but she wouldn’t listen to me.

So, Isak has a past as a vindictive little shit. Even doesn’t know why, but it doesn’t really bother him that much. Everyone does stupid things, after all. Even realizes that he might not have known Eva at all if it weren’t for Isak. That’s a weird thought.

– And Jonas?

Isak shifts in his seat. – Well, he still doesn’t know everything. Eva figured out everything, though. Well, almost. She thought I was in love with her.

– Oh, Even says and holds his breath. _This is it_.

Isak sighs. – This autumn has been so weird. Like something has been missing. I have been so fed up with my own life, but I haven’t been able to do anything about it. And now I tell you more than I have ever told any of my closest friends.

He looks at Even. – I don’t know what’s going on with me. I shouldn’t put all this on you.

– It’s okay, Even says, thinking about how it sometimes can be easier to talk to someone you don’t know that well. He pauses, trying to control his curiosity, but not being able to. – So, who were you in love with?

Isak stares at him, and again he’s like a deer caught in headlights. – Guess?

Even holds his gaze, and he doesn’t hesitate. – Jonas. You were crushing on Jonas.

Isak stares at him and blinks slowly. – Yeah, Jonas, he says, and releases a slow breath, like he’s relieved. –  So. I’m sort of, kind of gay. I think.

Even nods. Wow, he didn’t know how someone telling him something like this could make him feel so… in awe. Isak seems to still struggle a bit with this, and it feels like an honour that he trusts Even with it.

Isak swallows. – I have never told anyone before.

– Well, Even smiles, – I suppose I wouldn’t have told anyone either, if I hadn’t been forced to, he admits.

Isak’s eyes are wide. – You’re gay?

– No, I’m pan.

Isak nods. – Right.

It’s impossible to see what he’s thinking. But then: – So… What happened? Since you were forced to come out?

Even sighs. He really doesn’t like to talk about this, especially to this guy who has some questionable attitudes towards mental illnesses. At the same time, Even knows that Isak has opened up his heart today, and Even can’t just reject Isak’s question.

– Okay, he says, slowly. – You know what. I don’t like to talk about it, but I’ll try to tell you.

Isak’s eyes are wide. – You don’t have to tell me stuff you don’t feel like telling me.

Even nods. – Thanks, I know.

He wants to, though. Or he thinks he does. The fear that rushes through his body is still paralyzing. He can’t do this. He can’t tell this guy who hates mental illnesses everything? He thinks for a moment.

– I have had a bad year, he says in the end. – I fucked up, did some stupid things and dropped out of school.

– Oh, I’m sorry.

The concern in Isak’s eyes is confusing.

Even wonders if he can tell him more, after all. Maybe he could get the whole thing out of the way? If he tells Isak about his illness and Isak doesn’t want to have anything to do with him, then Even can move on.

He should do this.

He takes a deep breath. – I uhm... have bipolar disorder.

 _There_. It’s done. He waits to see the fear or disgust in Isak’s face, but Isak looks curious. Concerned. – Okay, he says. – That’s like depression and mania, right?

– Uh, yeah.

It feels urgent to tell him what it means. – It can be pretty bad. This spring I had my first major mania and depression, and I didn’t know. It started with mania and I mostly felt good. I had all this energy and all these amazing ideas. So that was kind of how I fucked up everything.

– Okay, Isak nods.

Even swallows. – I developed a crush on my best friend, too. But I kissed him. Declared my love to him. And when he sort of panicked, I had some really strange ideas of how I could fix it. And I did a lot of stupid things. Said strange things, posted quotes from the Quran on Facebook. I think I scared a lot of people. And then I got depressed and pushed everyone away. Things got to be so bad that I decided to transfer to another school. Actually, I was planning to transfer to Nissen.

Isak stares at him. – Really?

– Yeah. But then I ran into Eva again. She told me about her own experiences. She said that she kind of regretted it. And she said I wouldn’t want to be a quitter. So. I guess I can thank her for persuading me to stay at Bakka.

Isak’s lips are parted and his eyes are wide as he looks at Even. – Wow.

– Yeah.

Even clears his throat. – So. Are you okay with me having a sickness like that, or?

Isak looks surprised. – Of course, I mean, it sounds difficult, but of course I’m fine with it, why?

Even shakes his head, it’s not like he can say anything about that thing Isak said a long time ago. – I just know I fuck up things a lot, and it’s not for everyone, you know.

Isak shrugs. – Well, I’m fine. So how are you doing now?

– I have had a little trouble adjusting the meds, so I just had another mania and depression. It wasn’t that bad, though. My family and friends helped me out.

– That’s good, Isak says, and Even wonders why a glimpse of guilt flashes over his face. – Good that you have good people around you.

There is a new silence between them that Even can’t decipher. Still, he chooses to stay in that silence for a moment. He doesn’t know what this new openness between them means. He doesn’t know what anything means.

He only knows that he has another appointment with Isak, and time will show what happens.


	3. Vinterkyss (Kissed by Winter)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the last chapter Even was flustered in the gym, and surprised himself telling Isak about his bipolar disorder. 
> 
> Today the boys are back in the snow. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s chapter two! I hope you like it! Please let me know!

During the evening after their workout, Isak and Even continue to text each other via the Personal Trainer App. Although Even doesn’t have Isak’s number, it feels kind of great that they can message each other through the app. It’s like he can be personal without becoming too private.

_ It was nice to see you today, Even. Hope you’re not too sore. ;) _

_ I’m doing fine. No more workout today, though.  _

_ I get that. It didn’t seem like working out at a gym is your thing? _

_ With a professional trainer like you, I wouldn’t mind working out at the gym every day. ;) _

Oh fuck. That was a bit much. Even is about to say that he’s kidding, when an answer pops up:

_ Well I am the best, after all, so I don’t blame you for that, Even.  _

Even must laugh out.  _ Wow, you’re really modest. :D  _ he writes.

_ No, I used to be too modest, but I’ve improved and I’m perfect now... ;) _

_ Lol, well, that is true, you are. _

Even blushes, because it’s true.

_ Sure. Anyway, you did well today, Even. Keep up the good work. _

Even tells himself it's harmless flirting and that people can flirt with whomever they want. It’s no big deal. He doesn't know if he’s reading too much into it but since Isak started texting him, well since he first met him, he can't really get him out of his mind. Which is why that Saturday at 4am after a night out with some of his friends, stoned and drunk (first time in a long time and boy did it feel good), Even has too much liquid courage or whatever and sends Isak a message asking Isak what he does on his day off, since he is going to have Saturday off.

_ So what do you do on your day off usually? Don't tell me you spend it at the gym? _

Isak doesn’t answer. Not until 10 in the morning.

_ No _ .

A one-word answer. Even is thinking  _ okay, fine, this is a dead end _ . He had obviously misread things. So he tells himself to forget it and move on. Then a couple of hours later Isak sends:

_ No, but sometimes I go anyway... Why? Do you have something special in mind? _

Oh. Even thinks for a moment. He doesn’t want to seem too pushy, but he wants to show some sort of interest. In the end, he types:  _ Just wondering what you get up to on a Saturday :D _

_ Ok cool,  _ Isak answers.

So that is that, Even thinks. He does his thing all day Saturday (which basically means reading in bed and recuperating from Friday night). Then, in the evening, Isak calls him. At first, Even thinks it’s Mikael, who he’s supposed to meet for coffee, so he picks up the phone immediately, but a split second before he does he sees that it’s a call through the PT app. He didn’t even know that was possible. 

– Hello?

– Hi, Isak says. – Uh. I was just wondering what you were up to.

– Just hanging out on the internet. You?

– Oh, I'm just chilling at home playing video games.

– So  _ that's  _ what you do on Saturdays huh?

Isak's laughter is warm in his ear. – Sometimes. I went to Jonas’ place earlier, though. So, did you really text me at 4 in the morning?

Even blushes, and is so glad Isak can’t see his face right now. – Oh yeah, I did.

– Ok, I thought I was dreaming or something, Isak laughs. – You know, if you’re trying to hit on me, you should try when I’m awake!

Even winces as he tries to apologize. – Haha, yeah, sorry about that, I just got home at that time and I was a little… impulsive.

– I was joking, Even, Isak says with laughter in his voice. – No worries. I wasn't asleep either. 

There’s suddenly some noise on the phone and it’s a little difficult to hear Isak. – I see. Listen, the reception isn't so good.

– Oh ok... no worries, Isak says, quickly. – I'll let you get back to it.

– Ok. See you Thursday.

– Yup, see you then! Bye!

After the call Even sits for a moment staring into space, wondering what the fuck just happened. Five minutes after that Isak texts him:  _ So why are you so interested in what I do on Saturday? Wanna buy me dinner, maybe?  _

Even’s heart speeds up.  _ Actually, I'm really broke now so YOU should buy ME dinner. Heh, just kidding.  _

_ Kidding also ofc :P What are your hobbies? _

_ My hobbies? Silly stuff. I like movies, music and to draw. Karaoke and video games, I guess. You? _

_ That’s so very hipster and so very cool! Even if I wasn’t trying to get in your pants I’d still hang out with you, lol.  _

_ Lol, say what? _

_ I’m just kidding! :D  _ _ I used to play soccer, but now I mostly play video games and hang with my friends. And I like to work out, of course.  _

_ Just kidding, yeah… Well, I’m not hipster at all, thank you very much.  _

_ Yeah, right, No Hipster. So how ru, can you come skiing on Thursday morning? You said you were free from school then, right? _

_ I'm fine, no soreness today. I can be there on Thursday morning, yeah, the holiday will have started then. So when do you want to play some video games? LOL _

_ Oh ok, just to remind you to maintain your cardio. Oh and I’m up for a video game or two, just let me know.  :) _

_ Don't worry I did cardio last nite (when I went dancing lol). Maybe we can watch a movie? I have some good recommendations. Anyways I'm going to bed now. Good nite! _

_ Oh sure... alright good night. Sweet dreams! _

Even sleeps well, and if he dreams, he can’t remember any of them. The next morning a new message pops in. 

_ Hey... :D _

Even only thinks for a moment before he answers:  _ Hello. How are you? _

_ Excellent... how about you? _

_ Wow, excellent huh? :) I'm alright. Busy day? _

_ :) Not really, why? _

_ Just asking. Anyways on Thursday should I just do 30 minutes cardio before our session? _

_ Yes, if you can. _

_ I can do that. See you then.  _

They keep sending each other these silly messages, that are sort of not flirty and flirty at the same time and Even still doesn’t know what to think of it. He kind of wishes that he hadn’t texted Isak on Saturday morning, but of course, alcohol will make you do silly things like that. He tries to flirt a little without being too obvious and hopes that it’s okay. 

On Thursday morning the weather is good again. The sky is clear now, a perfect blackish blue. After the rain from last weekend and the snow after that, the top layer is perfect powder.  The branches of the trees hang low with the weight of the snow, and it’s like Even’s standing in the middle of a winter wonderland landscape. 

It’s still too early in the morning, of course, and too cold, and too dark, but Even has remembered his gloves this time, and he wears an extra layer of wool, and he’s fine. He has even warmed up with some cardio beforehand, and now he’s just waiting for Isak. 

He’s nervous, though, because he doesn’t know what to expect. Last time they met they talked about a lot of personal things, and Even doesn’t know what that means for them. It’s not like everything’s out in the open, either. Isak seems to be fine with Even having a bipolar disorder, but he still said what he said at that party, and Even can’t just forget that.

Then, of course, Even wonders about their messages. Do they mean anything at all, or is Isak only being a pushy personal trainer?

Even sighs. This is his last training with Isak. He’s not so sure what he thinks about that. No, scratch that, he hates the thought of that. He fears that this is the last time he’ll see Isak and he knows he wants to see Isak again. He just has to figure out if Isak wants to see him, too.  

Isak turns up, looking good as always. He seems a little awkward, but he smiles and seems to focus on what they’re supposed to do. – Today we’re going to race against each other, Isak says.

– Cool, Even says. – I hope I’ll manage to get the tempo up. 

Isak smiles. – I’m sure you will. How many times have you practiced since our last session?

– Well, about six times, I think, and things are going better. At least I’m not falling every time I go downhill anymore. 

Isak sends him a long look. – The relaxing exercise worked, then?

Even feels hot in his head, as he recalls dancing and jumping around (and almost kissing) in the snow with Isak. – It must have.

– Well, I’m sure you’ll do just fine, Isak says. – Come on, we’ll go a couple of hundred meters, and then we can have our first race. I’ve seen some early birds here, but I guess people are busy planning Christmas because there are not that many.

– That’s good. 

Even smiles, as he decides to play cocky and confident. – I’ll have to warn you, I’m seriously going to try to win. 

– You can try, Isak grins. – I am the master, though, so I doubt it. However, you could choose to play dirty, of course.

– Oh, is that allowed?

Isak’s grin grows wider, but he doesn’t answer.

Well,  _ everything is allowed in love and war _ , Even thinks, and decides to go for it. 

– Let’s race for that fallen tree over there, Isak says. – Okay? So. Ready? Set – 

Even can’t resist it. He pushes Isak down in the snow and shouts – Go! as he starts racing for the fallen tree.

– Fuck! Isak shouts behind him as he scrambles to his feet. – That’s cheating!

Even only laughs under his breath and skis as quickly as he can, pulling himself forward with his ski poles. He knows Isak is a lot quicker, so he has to take his chance while Isak is trying to get up. 

Even surprises himself when he actually manages to get his speed up a little, and he lets his body work as his breathing gets heavier and heavier. Unfortunately, he soon hears Isak approaching him from behind. – I’m going to get you, fucker! Isak shouts.

– No, you’re not, Even laughs breathlessly, pushing himself forward the last meters. 

But then Isak is right next to him. Isak tries to push him down, but Even manages to reach their goal before Isak’s push makes him stumble. 

– Yess! Even shouts, as he starts to tip over.  _ No no no _ , he thinks, and as he loses his balance, he pulls on Isak’s jacket and drags him down with him. They fall over in a tangle of skis, poles, legs, and arms. 

– Fuck! Even shouts, still laughing. – I won, though! 

– No, you didn’t! Isak shouts, as he takes a handful of snow, leans over Even and pushes the snow into Even face and neck. – That’s cheating!

Even shouts out and wriggles around because of the cold, but he still grins. – Do you think there are rules here? he laughs.

– Yes! Isak claims.

Even feels the cold from the snow seep into his back, but he doesn’t care. He catches Isak’s gaze. – Well.  Kiss me on the cheek and maybe I'll let you forgive me.

Isak looks confused for a moment, but then he just laughs.  – Dork. 

He leans on Even’s chest with both his hands in an attempt to get up. Then he loses his balance again, so his one hand ends up around Even’s neck.

–  Touching me already? Even smiles, and wiggles his eyebrows.  –  I’m not that easy, you know. You’ll have to work a little harder.

Isak stares down at him, with a small smile around his mouth. – Oh, are you trying to play hard to get? he asks. – Okay, but remember that I’m the best at it.

_ Oh. _ Isak is playing along. Even’s heart is beating so hard that he almost can’t breathe. He smiles a slow smile. – You don’t have to tell me that, he says in a voice so soft that he even surprises himself. – You  _ are  _ hard to get, Isak.

And suddenly something shifts between them. There’s a new tension in the air. Their smiles seep away and they are staring into each other’s eyes with hot intensity. It’s like everything slows down and speeds up at the same time. Even notes the familiar glazing over in Isak’s eyes that he recalls from when they almost kissed for the first time, and he lets out a shaky breath.

_ Please don’t joke it away _ , he thinks.  _ Please. Kiss me. Hold me. I don’t care if I shouldn't do it. Just kiss me. _

Isak stares at him with his wide, glazed eyes. – Uhm. You should really let me forgive you, he says.

– Uh, okay? Even says, and it takes a moment before he remembers his own bantering remark. 

Isak leans over him, turns his head to the side and gives Even a kiss on his cheek. Except the kiss lands pretty close to Even’s lips, and Even shivers.

– So, Isak says, giving him another peck, even closer to his mouth. – Will you let me forgive you?

Even’s mind has stopped working. He lies frozen, from nerves, excitement, and lust. – Uh. Yeah, he says. Without thinking he turns his head, just a little, just so that he maybe can feel Isak’s lips against his own. 

– Well then... I forgive you, Isak says. His voice wavers.

Finally, Isak leans in and kisses Even's lips. The kiss is hungry, but Isak’s lips are warm, too, and soft, and Even almost loses himself in the sensations. The snow is so cold under him and Isak’s body heavy over him. Even’s hand finds it’s way up to Isak’s neck and rests below Isak’s ear, his thumb caressing Isak’s cheek as their breaths mingle. Isak runs his hand down Even’s sides, pulling him closer until there’s no space left between them. They kiss and kiss and Even opens his mouth with a low moan, wanting Isak to come closer, closer, closer.

The need for air makes them pull apart and take shaky, shallow breaths. They stare at each other, deep into each other's eyes. No words are spoken but it still feels like they speak to each other.  _ I want this. Yes, I want this, too. I want more. Yes, more. _

Even definitely wants more. He wants so much more. Unable to contain himself anymore, he holds Isak's head in his hands and pulls Isak into another fiery kiss. Isak’s hands work their way around Even’s body, it seems like he’s feeling everything he can reach with all the layers of clothes. Isak leaves soft kisses up and down Even's neck. Even lets out little whimpers of anticipation as he buries his nose in Isak’s neck and Isak works his way back to Even’s lips. As they kiss Even rolls him over and lies on top of Isak’s strong, muscular body. 

Even leans in, so his forehead rests against Isak’s. They close their eyes. Both their breaths are shaky. 

– Wow, Isak says in barely more than a whisper. 

– Yeah, wow, Even replies, his voice low and husky. He feels like he’s blushing so much that he’s probably Russ-red in his face.

Even jolts as he suddenly hears a loud shout. – Look out! Get out of the way!

A person in neon colored clothes and skis comes towards them, and Even and Isak struggle to get up and out of the way. Even has lost one of his skis and his ski poles lie in a mess with Isak’s. In the end, Isak and Even manage to get up, as they lean on each other. The neon colored person turns out to be a man in his forties, cursing under his breath at useless kids messing with the ski trail. 

Isak and Even stand on the side, watching him disappear, a blob of neon colors in all the white.

– That’s the dress code and expected behavior out here, you know, Isak laughs. – It’s important to dress up in tights and flashy colors, and to hurry through the ski trail, shouting “look out” to everybody else. And of course, it’s  _ very  _ important to post a selfie as evidence of the workout on Facebook or any preferred social media. 

He’s rambling a bit but Even doesn’t care. It’s cute, and kind of funny too. Like some comic relief in the middle of all the tension. He chuckles. – Well, we seem to be failing miserably at the expected behavior and dress code, then, he says.

– Yeah, Isak snorts.

Their eyes lock. 

Even knows that he wants to kiss Isak again. He wants to do a lot more than that, to be honest. But he also knows that it might be too much, too soon. He also knows that he probably shouldn’t. He should protect himself, and his heart. Right now, he just doesn’t want to. 

– So, Isak says. – We kissed. 

– Yeah. 

– So. Kissing you probably means that I’m not following my guidelines as a personal trainer 100 %, he says.

– Right.

– Because, you know, we have this kind of professional relationship where one of us is helping the other out, and that’s… yeah, boundaries are important. Ethics, you know. Blah, blah, blah. 

– Blah blah blah, Even nods. He wants to smile and be supportive and understanding, but Isak’s words fill him with dread. – So… uhm... are you saying that we can’t kiss again? he asks. 

– No, Isak says, and the relief flowing through Even feels like butterflies inside of him. 

Isak looks determined, and a little scared. – It means that I shouldn’t continue as your personal trainer. I mean, if we want to kiss again.

Isak blushes.  _ He blushes!  _ The sight is beautiful and breathtaking, and Even wants to kiss him again, then and there.

– Do we want to kiss again? Isak asks, and the question in his eyes makes Even's heart _sing_. 

– I do, Even says. 

And the smile Isak gives him  _ shines _ . 

– Okay, then, he says. – Let’s behave and finish this workout. We can go skiing some more, and then we can… uh… figure stuff out afterward. Sound good? 

– Yeah, Even smiles. – Sounds perfect. I need to move a little, I got wet in the snow and now I’m freezing.

– Good. 

So they go skiing for about another hour, and it’s okay and a little weird at the same time. Isak is the perfect personal trainer, praising and pushing Even just right, and Even is concentrating hard to be the perfect client. They don’t talk about the kissing at all. 

When they are almost back at where they started out, Even gets an impulse. – Race! he shouts, speeding on his skis back to where they started out. 

Isak is caught off guard at first, so he is a little slow to react, but he catches up with Even in almost no time. 

And this time, it’s Isak who pushes Even to the ground, as he laughs aloud. Even is prepared, however, and he throws a fist of snow in his face. 

– Oh, you don’t dare! Isak shouts, as he throws away his ski poles and makes a snowball. – Snowball fight! 

Even is quick to react, turning around to make a snowball, too, but not quick enough. Seconds later a snowball hits the back of his neck. Isak shouts with glee.

Even’s woolen gloves are wet and heavy from the snow, and they pick up snow that sticks to it like small snowballs. Already the coldness of the snow has deeply chilled his fingers so they almost won’t bend. But cold or not, he can't give in. He knows there's a stupid grin plastered on his face as he takes his first snowball and whips his arm back to send it flying toward Isak. Impact! He hits Isak in the chest. Even lets out a whoop. – You’re gonna lose, Isak! he laughs. 

– Yeah, Even?! Isak laughs, throwing another snowball, hitting Even’s side. – Wanna bet? Game on!

Even gets on his feet, and throws another. – Oh, you’re going  _ down _ ! 

But then Isak is all over him, and he pushes him over, so both of them fall into the snow again. –  _ You’re _ going down, he mutters and pushes snow into Even’s hair and neck.

And Even is lost. He is wet, and cold, and should be miserable, but all he sees is Isak’s teasing eyes, flushed cheeks and shining smile over him, and he just can’t resist. He wrestles Isak closer, tangles his fingers into his hair that is wet from the snow, and kisses him. Isak’s lips taste like December, like hot chocolate on stormy evenings and crisp winter air.

– You’re no longer my personal trainer, he mutters. – Alright?

It’s almost like Isak melts into his arms. – Alright, he breathes. And they kiss and lick and grope each other and it’s not enough. It’s never enough. 

– We’re getting cold and wet, Isak says, and moves to get up. He gives Even a hand and drags him up, too. – Can we go to my place and get some dry clothes on? 

And yeah, Even would like that. Because now he’s shivering. Isak looks cold, too.  Rosy  cheeked, Isak is stamping to keep warm. Even mirrors him, stamping and embracing himself. He pulls his woolen beanie over his reddened ears and tightens his scarf over his cold lips. His teeth chatter as the cold seeps into his clothes. 

The two of them pick up their things and manage to head back on their skis. Then they carry their skis and ski poles as they take the tram back to Oslo. 

The vibe between them is easy and playful. Even knows that Isak isn’t out yet, so he’s careful not to push him in any way. However, Isak seems fine when he sits closely next to him and bumps into him a little.

When they reach Isak’s flat, they leave their ski equipment in the hallway and Isak hangs their wet winter clothes up in the bathroom. Even is wet down to the skin, so Isak finds him a change of dry clothes that he puts on in the bathroom. He would love to take a warm bath, to be honest, but he doesn’t want to impose. When he’s dressed, he heads for Isak’s room. There Isak is, and he has changed his clothes already. That is, most of them. He’s just putting on a t-shirt and a hoodie. And Even likes what he sees. 

So. It’s time to hang around together. Chat a little. Maybe kiss a little. Figure things out. 

The thing is, that Even kind of forgets about the figuring out things part. They hang around together, and chat, and laugh, and have a good time. But that’s it, really. 

Well, yeah, and they kiss, of course. Even kisses Isak and the world falls away. It’s slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. Maybe there’re no fireworks or sparks, but it’s better than that – it’s a wave of warmth that fills him up, spilling out from his heart and the warmth of Isak’s lips on his and rushing to every corner of his body.

Even kisses Isak again and again, and it’s like their kisses obliterate every thought. For the first time in forever his mind is locked into the present. The worries of the day evaporate like the green trees under the snow, and he has no wish for the kisses to end. Drunk on endorphins, his only desire is to touch Isak, to move his hands under his hoodie and feel his soft skin. Kisses like these are like a beginning, a promise of much more to come.

He doesn’t know that, of course. But it feels like it.

Even looks at Isak, then allows his restless fingers to touch his hair. He strokes Isak’s cheek and his lips part, Even’s thumb tracing a line along his lower lip. Isak’s hand clutches at Even’s hoodie, and a slow blink is signaling that he’s lost in the moment too.

Even wants this moment to last, so he takes it slow. Talks to Isak about everything and nothing. They chat about small things and big things. 

Then Isak asks Even why getting in shape for Christmas is so important to him. – It’s just a ski race, right?

Even smiles a little. – I didn’t tell you everything about the cabin trip and the ski race, did I? he asks, without waiting for an answer. – Sana invited us all to this cabin trip the weekend before New Years, and well… My buddies are very competitive. So they started to bet on who would do it best. And I… I am just so tired of being a fuckup, you know? So I thought I should try to do something. Be prepared for once. 

Isak smiles. – I like the sound of that.

– Yeah, I bet you do, mister Always Prepared, Even laughs. He releases a long and slow breath. – I know that this training business probably won’t matter. But if I’m lucky, I won’t get last. So that feels good. 

– I would like to claim that  _ something  _ good came out of this training business, Isak laughs, lifting his eyebrows a little. 

Even feels the heat in his cheeks. – Yeah, he says, pulling Isak closer. – Something good definitely did come out of it.

Isak rests his head on his shoulder, looking thoughtful.

– What are you thinking? Even asks. – You’re looking very serious and thoughtful. 

– Yeah. Uhm. I just wondered. How things would have been if Eva never transferred to Bakka. Or if you transferred to Nissen. Things could have been very different.   

– I suppose so, Even nods, thinking about how it would have been, meeting Isak earlier. Maybe trying to get to know him at school. – I’m kind of happy with this situation, though. At least right now. 

– Sure, Isak smiles. – I am too. Sometimes I just like to think about other possible worlds. I think it’s been sort of an escape for me or something. 

– Yeah?

– Yeah. 

Isak leans on his arm, and faces Even. – I probably should tell you something, he says, and there’s something guarded over his eyes. – Things haven’t always been… perfect at home. 

Even nods and waits. He’s pretty sure there is more. 

Isak hesitates only for a moment. – Dad left us when I was in the first year at Nissen, you know when I fucked up with Eva. And my mom didn’t handle that well. She… uh… well, she has schizophrenia, you see, and when Dad left it got worse. 

– Oh. 

Even swallows. He realizes that  _ this is it. _ This is when he figures out what Isak’s deal is.

– She didn’t want to go to treatment, Isak says, with a lost look on his face. – So. It got so bad for a while that I had to leave home. And I was very angry and bitter for a long time. I was angry with Dad, Mom, myself… I still feel it from time to time, you know? Sometimes I feel so guilty for running away. But I had to. And it’s better now. I meet Mom and Dad from time to time and… it’s not perfect, but it’s okay. 

– That’s uh… good. 

Even doesn’t know what to say. His head spins and his heart aches. This is why Isak said that he didn’t want crazy people in his life, then. 

Even can’t blame him, really. Yeah, Isak said some hurtful words, but now Even knows where they came from, and he gets it. He gets it too well. 

The problem is, that Isak doesn’t deserve more trouble and heartbreak. He deserves so much better. He deserves someone other than Even. Even knows he will fuck up. He knows he will hurt Isak. He just can’t afford that.

Isak seems to be oblivious to the turmoil inside of him. – Thank you for listening, he says, and leans on Even’s shoulder. – I’m glad that I met you. 

– I’m glad I met you, too, Even says, with tears in his throat and pain behind his eyes. 

Isak yawns and snuggles closer, looking so safe and relaxed that it’s painful to watch. – You’ll stay the night, right?

– Yeah, Even says. – I will.

He can’t.

That night, when Isak has fallen asleep, Even leaves a note with a small drawing of Isak and Even on skis and his phone number, because he’s maybe panicking, but he’s not a complete asshole. Then he picks up his wet clothes and his ski equipment and leaves. 


	4. Snøfall (Snowfall)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even has panicked, and wonders how or if he can fix it. There will be a cabin in this chapter. And a lot of snow. I shouldn't spoil more than that, really. :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't wait - here's chapter four! :D 
> 
> Thank you everyone for commenting! <3 And thank you especially, my three beta readers for betaing and helping me through with this! <3
> 
> Please tell me what you think!

Already when Even locks himself into his own room, he is starting to realize that he might have made a huge mistake. He had thought that he had to protect Isak, and that the only way to do that, was to leave him. To stay away. But is that really true?

He left Isak when he was at his most vulnerable. He has broken whatever had started to grow between them and he has thrown it all away. He shivers as he shuts the door behind him. The anxiety is like an ice cold claw around his heart. What the fuck has he done?

 _Fuck._ He sits down on his sofa under his bunk bed, still shivering. _Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!_ The guilt and shame make his stomach turn and the anxiety makes it difficult to breathe. _Why did he leave Isak?_

Fear of course. He’s not stupid; he knows. He’s so afraid that he’ll hurt Isak, so afraid that Isak will end up hating him, so afraid that he’ll lose it all, that he prefers not trying at all. So he left, to protect Isak, and protect himself.  

He needs to talk to someone. Before he thinks too much about it, he picks up his phone and calls Eva. He could have called one of the boys, or Sana, but right now, he needs to talk to someone who knows both of them.

– What’s up, Even? she says, in her lovely warm voice and west coast dialect, making him feel instantly more at ease.

– I fucked up, Eva, he admits. – And I don't know what to do.

Eva listens as he tells her everything about the Personal Trainer App and about Isak. About how he fell for Isak and how they kissed. He gives her some hints about both of their issues, but no details. Just enough to understand the problem.

– You can’t tell anyone, he says in the end. – He’s probably not out yet, right?

He doesn’t wait for her answer. – But my point is, Eva. I was scared, and I left him. And now I think that might have been a mistake. What should I do?

The phone is silent for a long time. Then he can hear that Eva is clearing her throat. – Fy faen, Even! You are throwing one bomb after another, and I can’t tell _anyone_? Isak is your personal trainer? _And_ he’s gay? _And_ the two of you have been fooling around? You can’t do this to me, Even!

– You can’t tell anyone.

– Not even Noora? I have speculated so much with her...

– Not even her, Even says and sighs in desperation. – Eva. Focus, please. I need some advice here!

Eva groans in obviously delighted frustration. – Sure, sure. _Damn_. Isak is a lucky guy, Even, I’m just saying. But yeah, it sounds like you kind of panicked there.

– Yeah, I know. I just wanted to protect him. And myself, I guess.

– So you’re afraid that you’ll hurt him because of your bipolar disorder, she says, sounding like she’ thinking out loud. – And you think that he has enough trouble in his life with his mother, so that he doesn’t need you too. Huh. You know that it sounds like a load of bullshit, right? Isak should have a say in this.

Even groans. He knows that she has a point, of course. It might be true that he fucks up everything. It might even be true that Isak doesn’t need someone like him in his life. But Even knows, deep down, that a choice like that shouldn’t be up to Even alone.

– I just… don’t know how to fix this, Eva.

– Talk to him, then, she says. – You’re not the only one who has done stupid shit. Believe me, Isak should know.

– Yeah, I guess, he says, because, of course, he has figured out that much. – But Isak opened up to me, Eva, he told me something personal tonight. He told his deepest secret, about his sick mother. And right after that, I left.

– Ouch.

– Yeah. And you know that his father left him, right? How do you think that makes Isak feel about me leaving, too?

– Uh, right.

 _Yeah, right._ That doesn’t feel good _at all._

– You gotta talk to him, Eva says. – It’s not over until someone has said that it’s over. That’s a quote from Isak Valtersen himself, actually. So talk to him.

Maybe she’s right, maybe he should talk to Isak. He knows that he can’t keep running. He just can’t. This thing between them is probably too late to fix, though. But he has to try.

When they hang up, he walks around his room, building courage. With shaking fingers, he picks up his phone and sends Isak a text on the personal trainer app.

_Hi, Isak. I know you aren’t my PT anymore, but I don’t have your number, so I have to try to send you a text here. I am sorry I left. I wanted to protect you. I wanted to protect myself, too. It was wrong. If you haven’t given up on me yet, call me._

Isak doesn’t send an answer. That, of course, is a very clear answer in itself.

Even feels miserable. It’s obvious that Isak has decided that he’s had enough. Even knows he can’t blame him. If someone had left him in the middle of the night, after he had opened his heart up, he wouldn’t have called either.

It still feels horrible.

Even goes through the following days in a fog. Then it’s Christmas. Even hibernates with his family the whole Christmas weekend. He keeps himself busy with Christmas preparations, watching Christmas movies, eating Christmas food, opening presents and eating even more. He manages to keep on exercising, but that’s mainly just to keep himself busy. He doesn’t talk much to any of his friends. He needs time. He needs to figure out how he can get on with his life, without Isak.

The time slips through his fingers, though, and somehow it’s suddenly December 29th and time to go on Sana’s cabin trip.

Even was originally meant to drive up to the cabin with the other boys, but that cold Thursday morning Elias calls him and tells him that their car’s full, so Even will have to drive up alone. Which is a bit weird, since Adam and Mikael can’t come this time. However, Even doesn’t ask. Normally, he would have been disappointed not to go with the others, but right now he’s a little relieved. He knows it would have been a struggle to keep up a brave and happy face in front of the others for the whole ride.  

Sana phones him right before noon, and asks him if he can drive up a little earlier, to put on the heat and prepare everything.

– I was supposed to do it myself, she says, – but I have something I need to fix first.

– Yeah, no problem, your highness, Even smiles. – I can bring some books and stuff. I don’t mind spending some time alone.

– I’m not your highness, but thank you, Even, you’re a lifesaver.

– Okay, little sister, I’ll see you later.

She doesn’t object to that.

It’s snowing heavily when he packs his car and drives by Sana’s place to get the key. The bleak grey cloud overhead reflects perfectly his grey mood inside.

– Drive carefully, she says. – It’s snowing a lot, but I think it’s going to be no problem getting there.

– Yeah, sure, I’ll be fine, Even smiles. He’s pretty sure that Sana picks up that he’s not quite himself, but she doesn’t ask. He’s grateful for that.

The drive is more or less unproblematic. It snows a lot, but he drives slowly and carefully through the white until he can park the car where the road ends. As he gets out of the car the winter wind howls, piling up snow in drifts, blinding the day with ice-white dust. He’s glad there are only a couple of hundred of meters to walk. The small road to the cabin has snowed in, so when he has put his backpack on, he straps on his skis and and sets the course for the cabin.

As he starts moving, he is secretly happy that he has trained his skiing lately. He would probably have struggled quite a lot if he hadn’t. The snow falls heavier and heavier, and soon he can’t see the clouds anymore. Even skis bent over against the cold, partly pulling himself forward with his ski poles and partly protecting his eyes with his arms. The wind bites at his frozen skin. Trees loom into his vision, then vanish, swallowed in the white. This is a lot worse than he thought it would be. He hopes that the weather soon will be better, so the others manage to get to the cabin, too.

When he finally sees the cabin, just a few meters away, the relief is overwhelming. He knows the cabin will be cold, but far from like it is out here. It looks cozy, and surprisingly small to make room for about twelve people.

 _But wait…_ He approaches the cabin, and gets confused. There’s light in the windows, and even though it is snowed over, he can still see traces from someone walking around in front of the cabin, and that someone has tried to shovel away some of the snow.

Didn’t Sana say that he would be the first here?

Even shrugs, as he gladly welcomes the thought of entering a warmed up cabin. He puts his skis up against the wall, walks up the steps and tries to stamp off the snow on his shoes and clothes. He must have made some noise, because when he finally knocks on the door it opens almost immediately.

The heat rushes through him before his mind realizes who he sees. Green eyes under golden locks stare at him in surprise.

_Isak._

– Even! Isak says, looking confused. He’s also looking cozy, as he’s dressed in some soft grey sweatpants and a blue hoodie. Behind him can Even see warm lights in the hall and a glimpse of a Christmas tree in the living room, and Isak has Christmas decorations in his hands. – Are you here so early?

– Hi, Even says, wondering for a moment if he is dreaming. He can feel some of the snow from his beanie melting and running down his hair and neck. _So, not dreaming then_ . – Are _you_ here?

– Uh, yeah, Isak says, and seems to blush a little. – I should have told you, but uh… shit, it’s cold, come in, he says, and backs off to let Even into the cabin.

Even steps inside the hallway and Isak shuts the door behind him. Even almost cannot believe the quiet and peace inside. The warmth wraps around him, making his cold cheeks and fingers sting. He gazes at Isak, who still has this confused look on his face. Before he thinks much about it, he steps forward and wraps Isak into a hug.

– Good to see you, he says, muffled into Isak’s neck. Isak’s cheeks and neck are warm against his cold skin. Isak seems a little baffled at first, but melts into the hug, pulling him closer.

– Yeah, you too, he says. It feels like Isak wraps Even in a warm swaddle of his chest and arms. The world around Even melts away as he squeezes him back, not wanting the moment to end.

When Even finally lets go and takes a step back, Isak looks flushed. He clutches the Christmas decorations in his hands. – Cold, he says, – your cheeks are cold.

– Yeah, and it’s sure good to come inside, Even says, blushing, and feeling like an awkward idiot. – I still can’t believe that you’re here, he says, chuckling a little.

He doesn’t wait for Isak’s answer, but puts his backpack down as he’s trying to collect his thoughts. – You knew that we were going to be on the same trip, he concludes. He takes his shoes off and hangs up his jacket, beanie, and scarf. – You knew, because of Sana. Of course, I should have known that.

Isak nods and smiles a little, looking self conscious. – Yeah. I thought it could be like a funny surprise, and I was just about to tell you the last time we met. But then…

– Then I left, Even says, feeling something churning in his stomach. Something like guilt.

Isak looks a little lost. – Yeah.

– Sorry, I…

– No, it’s fine, Isak says and straightens up, like he’s coming out of a long string of thoughts. – You should find a room. I had the privilege of choosing the first one for me, Mahdi and Magnus.

– Sounds good, Even nods. – Isn’t Jonas coming?

Isak shrugs. – Nah, he had to work.

– Yeah two of my friends had to do some other things, too. It’s a pity about Jonas, though, I would have loved to see Jonas and Eva together. I always wonder if he’s the reason she never settled down with anyone else.

– Yeah? Isak says with a curious smile. – Well, it wouldn’t surprise me if Jonas is single for the same reason.

They smile at each other, but then Even looks down at his soaking wet jeans and socks. – Well, I should find that room, he says. – It would be nice to put on another pair of pants, too.

– Okay. I can make some… cocoa? So can we meet up in the living room and chat a little?

Even nods. – Sure, sure.

Everything feels a little strange. His stomach is churning, churning, churning; full of nerves, fear and an impossible hope. But it’s nice to have something to focus on. He should find a room. Change clothes. Find the living room. Then he can take it from there. Hopefully.

When he has put some warm sweatpants and a hoodie on, and enters the living room, Isak is already on the sofa, and two steaming mugs are on the table. There’s fire in the fireplace and a Christmas tree is decorated.

– Vilde asked me to put up some decorations, Isak explains. – It’s not like I chopped the tree down myself, it’s a plastic tree I found in the loft.

Isak fiddles at some big candy canes, lying on the table. – At first it felt weird decorating this late in Christmas. But then I kind of got into it. Christmas with my family was a bit stressful, so this felt… peaceful. Like the Christmas spirit finally snuck up on me.

– Cool, Even smiles.

He sits down next to Isak, not knowing where to look or what to say. His eyes go to the Christmas tree. – It’s cozy, he says, in the end.

– Sure, I guess so, Isak says and hands him his mug of cocoa. – It’s hot, he says.

– Thanks, Even says and warms his hands on the mug. – So, how are things? Got a lot of presents for Christmas?

– Probably more than I deserve, Isak says, smiling back. – Christmas is mostly a little tense back home, but I’m doing fine, he adds. – You?

– I'm alright, Even says, not knowing how he can say he’s sorry. How he can try to explain. It’s too difficult. He has to start with something safer. – So. The snow is sort of overwhelming out there. I’m so glad I made it here.

– It's a bit much, yeah, Isak agrees, taking a sip from his cocoa. He looks at Even over the mug. – I hope the others manage to get here through the snow.

– Hmm, Even hums, allowing himself to think that he wouldn’t mind some time alone with Isak. But he’s not in the position to think like that right now. He takes a sip of his own cocoa, and his eyebrows shoot up. It tastes amazing. Sweet and with a sting of something hot. – Damn, this is good. Chili?

– Yeah, Isak says, looking a little shy and pleased with himself at the same time. He picks up one of the candy canes from the table and uses it to stir his cocoa. Even stares as he absentmindedly sucks the cocoa off the cane.

 _Fuck_ , that’s an obscene sight, giving Even all sorts of ideas. Isak’s lips look amazing stretched around the cane like that. Even swallows loudly. Isak looks up and meets his gaze, still with his cheeks hollowing around the cane. A blush creeps up his cheeks as he takes the cane out and drops his eyes.

Shit, Even thinks, he fucked up. Isak must think that he’s such a creep. He stares into his own cocoa.

Isak gets up and puts another log on the fire. When he sits down again, it’s a careful, tense silence between them, and Even doesn’t know where to look or what to say.

– So, Isak says, and takes a deep breath. – I saw your... note. I’m sorry I didn’t call. I didn’t know what to say. So.

Even shakes his head. – I didn’t expect you to. I am so sorry I left like that, he says, almost pleading. – I shouldn’t have done that. I fucked up.

– It’s alright, Isak shrugs. – I should have known better than to hook up with a… client like that. I just got carried away, I guess. It’s okay.

– No, it’s not! Even says, and surprises himself with the strength of his voice. – Don’t say it’s okay when it isn’t! I kind of.. panicked, and… It wasn’t about you, Isak, you gotta believe me. Did you get my text?

Isak looks confused again. – Text? Do you have my number?

Even blushes. – No, I mean I sent you a message on the PT app.

Isak’s shoulders seem to go down a little. He takes another sip of his cocoa, stirring his cocoa one more time with his candy cane. – No, sorry, I have been logged out. Christmas, you know.

– Oh, Even says. – Yeah. Gosh I should have asked Sana for your number instead. That was just… stupid of me.

Isak looks apprehensive. – So what were you messaging me?

Even doesn’t know where to look. – I basically just wrote that I was sorry, he says. – And that I hoped you would call me back.

Isak’s eyes are like a window into a deep green forest. – Oh.

Even would like to know a little bit more what Isak thinks, but when he says nothing, Even realizes that he should accept that. Isak doesn’t owe him anything.

Even clears his throat. – So, uh, you’re early, too? he asks. – Why is that?

Isak looks like he’s waking up from some deep thoughts again. – Yeah, Sana asked me to bring some groceries and get the cabin heated up. Prepare everything, you know.  

 _Is that so._ Even raises his eyebrows. – She did, huh? She asked me to do the same thing. Well, not bring groceries, but heat up the cabin.

Isak meets his gaze and suddenly they both understand. Sana is trying to put them together. To help them talk, probably.

– Fuck, Isak sighs. – She’s sneaky, that girl.

– She sure is, Even says, and now he can’t stop a fond smile from growing on his face. – She means well, I suppose.

Isak nods, and he’s smiling too. Then he cocks his head and looks confused. – I haven’t told her about what happened, though, he says. – Well, she knows that you were my client, but I think she knew that from you.

Even blushes. – Well, I might have spilled some thoughts about you to Elias and Yousef, he says. – I’m sorry. And I might have said a word to Eva, too. I’m not saying that they have been gossiping, but I guess that it’s likely.

– Aha, Isak nods, with a little smile, – that could explain things. Well, I might have mentioned you to Jonas and the boys. And Noora. I guess too many people knew something, and Sana connected the dots. She’s good at that.

Even stares at him, surprised that Isak takes it so well. – You don’t seem stressed out?

– No?

– Uh, I thought you still hadn’t… you know, come out yet?

Isak smiles then, and Even’s heart speeds up at once. That smile gets him, every time.

– I came out to the boys this Christmas, Isak explains. – Talked to Eskild, Jonas and the others. Actually, I talked to Noora one sleepless night, too. So. I’m out. Gay and proud and all that.

The joy and pride that Even feels is almost like a pain in his chest. – That’s so cool, Isak, he manages to say.

– Yeah, Isak smiles.

So, Even thinks. They are talking, and that’s not bad. He still doesn’t know if Isak wants more, though, and the tension is still thick between them. And Even has no clue where to go from here.

Then his phone rings.

– Hi, Sana, he says when he sees her name.

– Hi, Even. Everything okay at the cabin?

Even smiles. – Sure. Isak and I are doing just great. Drinking cocoa. Wondering why you have been setting us up.

It’s quiet for just a moment as Sana realizes what he’s talking about. –  Well, yeah, I just wanted you two to talk a little before the rest of us came. I’m sorry I meddled. Elias says that I meddle too much.

Even raises his eyebrows. Sana doesn’t apologize often. Something must be up. – It’s okay, Sana, we’re good.

He can hear Sana sigh. – Well, everything didn’t turn out like I planned. Have you looked outside?

– No, not recently? I guess it’s still snowing?

– It’s snowing too much, Even, and there’s a lot of wind. It’s basically a blizzard, and It’s not safe for us to drive up there. So we’ll have to wait until tomorrow.

– Oh.

 _Oh_. His pulse races. They are basically snowed in. He and Isak will have to be alone.

– Yeah, I’m so sorry, Even, she says with a smile in her voice. – I hope the two of you will manage alright.

– No worries, Even says, trying to sound and look neutral. Inside he can’t help feeling a little excited over the thought of spending the night alone with Isak. – We’ll just chill, and then we’ll see you guys tomorrow.

– Okay then. I guess you really will have time to talk.

– Yeah, Even answers, wondering about what other things they will have time to do. _No_. He shouldn’t think like that. He has no right to, not after leaving Isak.

– Well, see you later.

– Later, Sana.

Isak looks at him with a knowing look. – Too much snow? he asks. – Aren’t they coming?

Even can’t see how Isak feels about that. Is he disappointed? Worried? Angry? There are no clues. Well, he looks tense, but that can mean a lot of things.

Even puts on a neutral face, too. – Not until tomorrow, it seems.

– Oh.

Isak looks like he’s about to say something, when his own phone rings.

– Yo, Noora, he says. And then: – Yeah, I know. Yeah, don’t worry. I’m here with Even and we’re just relaxing until you guys come tomorrow.

He sighs, and looks quickly at Even. – No, it’s no use, Noora. I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s just… no use.

 _What is no use?_ Even wonders.

Then Isak is suddenly silent for a moment, as Noora speaks. – Ultimatum, what do you mean? he says, before he is silent again. Even wishes desperately that he could hear Noora, because Isak’s expression is something special. He looks like he’s listening closely and contemplating deeply on something. Then it comes:

– Sure, maybe. Okay, bye, Noora.

He puts his phone away and smiles a little to Even. – It was Noora. She had some stuff on her mind.

Even nods. – Right. Something interesting? he asks, trying not to seem too curious.

Isak keeps his eyes on his cocoa mug. – Oh, we were just discussing something from school, he says.

 _Obviously a lie_.

Isak still has this contemplative look on his face. Suddenly he straightens up and takes a deep breath. – I have something to tell you, he says.

Even freezes. – Okay?

 _Fuck_ , what can Isak have to tell him? That he’s had it? Even prepares himself for the pain. _Here it comes_. Isak is going to tell him that they are over. Before they even have begun.

Isak looks at him, and he looks... nervous. Why is he nervous? Isak licks his lips, swallows. Then he gets something determined-looking on his face, almost stubborn.

– I am glad that you left me that note, Even, he says. – And that you texted me. It’s nice.

Even waits. Nice is good. But he expects that Isak has more to say. – _But?_ he prompts, nervously.

Isak looks baffled for a moment, before he continues. – _But_ , if you’re not interested in something more, then… you shouldn’t bother.

Even stares at Isak, feeling his pulse racing, not quite getting what Isak’s saying. – Whu... what?

Isak is pink in his cheeks now, but he looks even more determined. – I thought you and I had like a connection or something, but I guess that I was wrong. And I get it if you think I’m not… right for you. I know I have done some stupid shit and… yeah. I get that. But then, if you’re not interested, you can’t keep texting me. Not like that. Okay?

Even feels like he’s gaping. He probably is. He knows that he’s staring at Isak. His heart is beating so fast and hard that it feels like it’s beating in his _throat_. How can Isak think something like that?

– But uh… he says, turning towards Isak, moving closer. He reaches out to touch Isak’s arm, but holds back and leaves his hand on his own thigh. – Isak, please, you must understand…

– Understand what? Isak asks, in a weak voice. He sits frozen, staring at Even’s hand. There’s something raw and sad in his eyes right now, and Even needs to fix it, he needs to take it away.

– You must understand that - Isak, look at me, Even says, ducking his head to catch Isak’s eyes. Isak’s eyes snap up. He looks so scared. Why is he scared? This stupid, stupid boy. Well, he’s far from stupid, but how can he be so oblivious? How can he not _know_? Even holds his gaze and tries to show all his affection, all his want.

– I _am_ interested in something more.

Isak’s eyes are so wide and so green and his lips are parted, and God, he’s beautiful. Even moves closer, takes Isak’s cocoa mug and sets it on the table. They are sitting so close now, that their thighs are touching. Isak’s hand, still warm from the mug, takes the hand Even rests on his own thigh.

Even lets his other hand stroke up along Isak’s upper arm, as he yearns to reach Isak’s soft hair. He wants to ask permission to kiss Isak, but he has suddenly lost his words. He asks with his eyes instead.

And Isak answers. His eyes are open and raw and wanting, and his lips are parted. Even wants him so badly that he shivers, but is frozen, like he can’t move. Suddenly there’s a new shift in Isak’s eyes again, and Even can see the same determination and the same will from before.

The next thing Even knows, Isak lunges forward and slams his lips to Even’s and nearly knocks all the air from his lungs. Even hardly has a moment to react before Isak presses his tongue to the seam of his lips, demanding that Even open up to him. Even opens up, moaning as Isak’s hand is suddenly on Even’s neck, then diving into his hair. It’s a very sloppy kiss with a taste of cocoa and chili and a scent of Isak. Even’s hands reach for Isak’s cheeks as he curls closer to Isak’s chest, moaning at the contact of body heat against his own. Without thinking, he moves to be closer, closer, until he’s straddling Isak on the sofa.

Even’s entire body has been taken over by the overwhelming feeling of relief, combined with slight panic, and lust. He moves his hands from Isak’s cheeks to the back of his head, his fingers tangling in Isak’s golden locks, lightly pulling him closer, adding more pressure to their lips, deepening the kiss. He can feel Isak’s thighs under him and he pushes himself closer, wanting to feel Isak’s whole body close to him.

They pause for a moment, looking into each other’s eyes. Even swallows and holds his breath. Isak’s eyes hold Even’s and he leans forward, into Even, his lips drawing near again, Even’s lips parting to receive them. Isak stops inches away, his eyes drifting down to Even’s lips as though he is savoring the moment.

Even makes a noise, desperate to feel Isak's mouth on his again. – Please, he says, when Isak doesn't just _kiss him_ already.

– It’s alright, baby, Isak says, soothing. – I got you.

He refocuses on Even's mouth and kisses him. Even’s heart beats faster and his mind blanks as they finally are linked together again. Isak’s hips press against Even's, fingers grips onto his shoulders and Isak feels good under Even's hands, pressed against his chest.

Even feels Isak's fingers reach down for the bottom hem of his hoodie, trying to pull it up and off. Even helps him, feeling frantic to get closer again.

Isak pulls Even’s t-shirt off. – God, look at you. He looks at Even with an almost lost look on his face. Even can only imagine how flushed and messed up he looks. Now he wants to see more of Isak, so he helps him pull off his hoodie and t-shirt, too. Even sucks in a sharp breath as Isak’s shirtless torso is exposed. Isak has a chiseled chest, his abdominals are sculptured to perfection, and his arms look lean and strong. Isak’s a living work or art, his pale skin so tempting to touch; every move giving away his strength. Even can’t help gawking. He remembers his own daydream of licking Isak’s abs the other day, and groans.

Even can feel Isak, right under his hips, feel how hard he is. He moans into Isak's mouth and wants… He feels his own dick harden even more at the thought. – I want...

– What do you want? Isak asks, and grinds his thigh up against Even's cock.

Even kisses a trail along Isak’s neck and chest. Licks his abs, just like he wants to. – I, uh, can I suck your dick?

Isak moans. – Fuck yeah, yes please.

Even drops to his knees in front of the sofa. His fingers tremble as he reaches for the waistband of Isak's pants and he tells himself to calm down. He needs to keep his shit together. He wants to make this good for Isak, after all. He uncovers Isak's cock, pulling his sweatpants and briefs down in the same movement. Isak’s dick is perfect. Even grabs the base and lets his mouth swallow it up. He tastes musky, salty and bitter. Even loves the tastes and the slight feeling of power he gets from doing this. He’s never done this before; he’s definitely nervous, but also having a lot of fun figuring it out.

He decides to go slower, and gently drags down Isak's foreskin, tentatively dipping the tip of his tongue into his slit. He starts to suck, cheeks hollowing as he begins to take Isak deeper and deeper into his mouth.

– So good... 

Above him, Isak sounds breathless and wrecked, and the thought that it's because of _him_ that Isak feels like this makes Even harder. He aches to push a hand inside his own briefs and around himself, just to ease a little of the tension, but he's too focused on sucking Isak's cock to multitask right now.

He moans around Isak's dick and it makes Isak groan, his fingers tightening their grip on Even's hair. Isak’s dick is brushing just at Even's throat, and Even closes his eyes and breathes through his nose. He gags a bit and saliva fills up his mouth, making everything sloppy, and it still feels good. Isak's hand stays still, not pushing or urging at all, as Even starts bobbing up and down, sucking and swallowing around Isak's cock. Although he hardly knows what he’s doing, it’s worth the wrecked and broken moans that Isak keeps giving him. Isak starts tugging at his hair, and Even takes him even deeper. – Fuck, so good... Isak gasps, his words breaking off. – That’s it... Even, you’re so good. _So good for me._

 _God_. The praise spurrs him on. Isak sounds so far gone, and Even moans and sucks Isak's dick as hard as he can.

– So... good, Even!

Isak comes, with what sounds like a startled groan, spilling into Even's mouth. Even sucks his cock, milking it until there’s nothing left. Even's head feels foggy and he is so hard and throbbing that it hurts.

Isak is still breathing hard when he pulls Even onto the couch. He has a question in his eyes as he reaches for Even’s cock. Even moans and nods, frantically, tugging at Isak’s hand to touch him faster.

Isak finally touches his dick, and the sensation is amazing. Even’s spine is arching off the couch as he stares up at Isak, vision blurred, voice raspy as he says: – Yes, Isak, yesss...

Isak strokes Even’s wet cock, one time, two times, three times, and Even can’t hold back anymore. When Isak closes his wet and warm mouth around Even's dick, it's all over; Even closes his eyes and comes inside Isak’s mouth. Isak hums as he is sucking and swallowing around him and dragging his orgasm out for a long time.

Afterwards Even tries to make some room for Isak on the couch and the tall and lanky boy manages to fold himself around Even, making him feel like he’s covered in a body blanket. Even feels safe, and warm, and he wants to stay like this forever. He wants this forever. _Shit_. He doesn't really know what Isak wants. Not in the long run. They probably should talk, and figure out some things.

– So, Even says, yawning, – we should talk about this. What it means and stuff.

He snuggles into Isak’s chest.

– Yeah, Isak mutters in a tired, raspy voice, – we should.

– I’m kind of tired, though, Even admits, yawning. – And sleepy.

– Me too, Isak smiles, looking half asleep already. 

Even manages to pull one of the blankets from the couch over them. – Let’s rest a little first then, he mutters.

 _Just a little rest_ , he thinks. Then they will talk tomorrow.

 


	5. Juleleker (Christmas Games)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even are snowed in. Wonder what happens... lol.  
> But there will be some winter games in the snow, too. And cocoa, santa hats and julegrøt. And talking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t wait! It's day five and the fifth and final chapter is here! :D I am so glad you guys have read it, and I hope you have enjoyed this small winter tale with me! Thank you so much for all your comments and love. <3
> 
> THANK YOU @coolauntskam and @arindwell and my third beta reader for betaing for me! You helped me change this ending from rather shitty to a little better. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

When Even wakes up, the room is a little chilly, but he’s hot, and slightly uncomfortable and one of his feet has fallen asleep under a heavy, warm weight. He realizes that he’s on the couch, with Isak, in the cabin. He snuggles closer into Isak and blinks against the lights; they must have forgotten to turn off the lamps before they fell asleep. 

The fire has gone out in the fireplace. 

Suddenly it’s like he wakes up for real.  _ God _ , he and Isak… They had kissed, and they had gotten each other off and... The images and echoes of the sensations rush through his head and a tingling feeling goes through his body. He can’t believe it, but Isak is here, and the weight from his body should be proof enough.

Even takes a look at his watch, and sees that it’s not even morning yet. They could keep on sleeping. It’s a bit uncomfortable on the sofa, though. He sits up slowly. Isak stirs in his sleep, and mutters, but then he blinks a little and suddenly his eyes are open. Watching Even. – Don’t go. 

His voice is sleepy, and vulnerable, and Even’s heart aches because of it.

– I won’t go, baby, he says, kissing Isak’s cheek. – Never. Come, let’s get into my bed. It’s bigger, and more comfy. It has a warm duvet, too.

Isak seems to relax, and they lean on each other as they get up from the sofa. They stumble into Even’s room, that he’s supposed to share with Elias, and snuggle together under the duvet. At first Even is dead tired and he thinks that they will fall asleep at once. But then Isak pulls him closer, and Even can feel his naked and warm body next to him. So warm. Even’s body responds at once, and a new but familiar need rises in him. Isak notices, and lets his hand stroke along his side, searching for his dick. Finding it. 

Even moans. Isak is like his drug. One touch and the intoxication is instant. Isak kisses him slowly. He seems to want to just lie there, close, kissing, touching and grinding against Even, almost like he’s half asleep, and Even doesn’t mind. He knows that whatever Isak wants to do is what they'll do and there isn't a thing Even can do to stop him – not that he'd want to. They move slowly with each other and their fingers caress each other's skin as if afraid a heavier touch would break the spell. They slowly become one, one mind with one goal and purpose, each utterly drunk with want for the other. Even hides his face in Isak’s neck as he’s getting close. Isak’s scent, heat and touch send him into a heady trance, one that doesn't end until their bodies are still once more, just warm and snuggled in as close as two souls can be.

They finally fall asleep again, feeling sated, safe and warm, listening to the wind and the snow outside. Even dreams that he’s swimming, Isak is there, too, and they play, laugh and kiss, but the water is white and thick, like snow.  

When he wakes up again, light is seeping into the room, so it must be a little late. He blinks, shuts his eyes and blinks again. Isak is sleeping heavily next to him. He’s beautiful. Even stares at Isak’s face for a moment, and tries to store away the image of his sleeping face in his heart and his mind.

Even wonders what it is, this thing that has happened between them. Does Isak want more, or is this just something that happened in the heat of the moment? They said they were going to talk later. But now is probably not a good time. They should get up, first. Get some breakfast. Start the day.

Even is starting to get hungry, and he needs to go to the toilet. He really needs to get up.  He lets his lips brush against Isak’s cheek. – Isak, wake up, baby, it’s morning. I’m gonna make us some breakfast. 

Isak groans, and buries his face in the pillow. He doesn’t look like he’s going to wake up anytime soon. And Even doesn’t want to leave him. He lets his hand stroke through Isak’s golden curls and waits. 

After a while, the pressure on his bladder is too much, though. – Isak, baby, he says, kissing Isak’s cheek. – Isak… I need to get up and take a piss. And I wanna make breakfast. Wake up, come on, sweetie. 

– Yeah, yeah, Isak mutters, pulling his duvet over his head. – Just another minute, baby, please...

_ Baby _ . Even smiles, and pats his back through the duvet. – Okay, I’ll get up, and you can sleep a little bit more. I’ll be in the kitchen, okay?

He sits up, drags his feet off the bed, and stretches his arms above his head and yawns. He walks sleepily towards the bathroom where he relieves himself and takes a quick wash. Then he walks into the kitchen. As he walks he leaves all the doors open, so that Isak can hear the sounds he makes. Even wants to make sure that Isak doesn’t believe that Even has left. 

It’s probably silly, of course. But Even had promised not to leave, so he won’t give Isak the impression that he has done so again. 

He starts making some breakfast, pulling out almost everything from the fridge. Someone, probably Isak, must have done some serious grocery shopping, because there’s a lot of food. Of course that’s not so strange, since the plan is to fill the cabin with about 12 people for four days. Thank heavens this cabin has more room than it appears. 

Even looks out the window, and that’s when he startles. The snow covers half the window, and he can only see a glimpse of the grey clouds over that. Has it snowed that much? Is it even possible to snow that much in one night? He goes to the front door, but even if he tries to push the door open, it’s impossible. They’re snowed in. Literally. 

Even pauses for a moment in the hallway, thinking. He suspects that the wind has blown a lot of snow up against the wall, so that it’s not so bad as it seems. They should eat some breakfast and then they can deal with the snow after that. 

He walks back into the kitchen and continues his cooking. He has just finished frying the eggs and some bacon, when Isak comes in, yawning and looking at him with wide eyes. 

– Good morning, Even smiles. For a moment he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know what Isak thinks about them, or what he wants. He doesn’t know anything about their future. Does Isak even want more than a fling? He has no clue. But then he thinks  _ what the hell _ , and goes over to give Isak a quick kiss.

Isak blushes a little. – Morning. I kind of thought you had left, for a moment there, he says.

Even looks at him and sees that he’s sheepish, but also that he is brave to say this. Seems like it wasn’t so silly to keep the doors open, after all. Even moves over again and kisses him one more time. – I’m here, he says. – I told you, I just wanted to make some breakfast.

Isak looks confused. – You told me?

– Yeah, you couldn’t have been fully awake, I suppose. 

Isak smiles a little then. 

Even wonders for a moment if they should have their talk now. Not knowing what Isak wants unnerves him. He’s just about to say something, when he notices that Isak’s eyes have been caught by something else. He stares out the window with wide eyes. – Are we… snowed in?

Even sighs. – Yup. Seems like it. I don’t think the snow is really that deep everywhere, though. We’ll find a way out after we have eaten.

Isak still looks baffled. – Sounds like a good plan. Damn, it must have snowed a lot...

– Yeah. You know, Even says, as he chews on a tomato, – tomorrow it’s New Year's Eve. I wonder if everyone’s gonna make it to the party.

Isak shrugs. – Well, it has mostly stopped snowing. I guess it depends on if someone manages to plow the snow up to the parking lot.

– I have no problem with celebrating with you alone, Even admits, blushing as he says it. – But it would be cool to see the others, too. 

– Sure, Isak says, holding his gaze for a moment. He doesn’t seem that bothered right now. He looks at the food Even has been preparing. – It looks so good, he says. – Smells good, too. And it looks like you’re preparing a brunch for a lot more than the two of us.

– Yeah, Even laughs, as he stirs the eggs,  – you bought a lot of nice food. I couldn’t choose.

Isak leans closer as he watches the pan Even is stirring. – Can I taste? Isak asks, and when Even feeds him a taste of the scrambled eggs and gives him a piece of crispy bacon, he hums, and his eyes shut for a moment, making Even want to kiss him. So he does. Isak’s lips are soft, warm and taste faintly of eggs and bacon. Isak rests his hands on Even’s hips and Even locks his hands behind Isak’s neck. Isak picks up some of the cheese from the counter and feeds Even, before he kisses him again. Even hums at the taste and the feeling of Isak’s lips. 

They end up eating breakfast there at the counter, feeding each other eggs, bread, tomatoes and all sorts of delicacies. They eat, laugh and kiss each other until they are both blushing, breathing heavily and getting harder and harder in their pants. Even struggles to keep calm. He wants Isak so much it hurts. He manages to hold it back as they tidy up everything, but when they’re finished, he pulls Isak closer again. –  I want you, he whispers, not caring about the snow, the future or anything else anymore. He just wants Isak.

–  Oh God, Even... Isak sighs. Then, with a strangled sound, he claims Even's mouth in a deep, hungry kiss. Isak takes complete control, his mouth gentle and yet desperate… soft and yet strong against Even's, applying just the right amount of pressure and suction that it takes Even's breath away.

Damn, the man can kiss. Isak’s making him forget everything else. Even moans into the kiss as he shudders with surrender, melting against Isak. When Isak eventually releases his lips, Even feels as though he’ll lose it if Isak don't take him right there, right then. He wants it  _ right _ , though. The first time they kissed, they were in the snow. Last time they were together, they ended up on the sofa. He wants them to take their time and to do it  _ right  _ this time. 

– Bed, he says, into Isak’s mouth. – Let’s go to the bedroom. 

– Uh, alright, Isak says. His eyes are glazed and he follows Even back into the bedroom. As they walk he strokes Even’s arms and shoulders, holds onto his hips, touches him everywhere and Even is dizzy from all the sensations. 

They enter Even’s bedroom and before the door has even closed Isak wraps his arms around Even from behind. It's a little chilly in the room, but Even forgets that in a minute. He can feel the warmth of Isak’s body against his back. One inhale of his musky scent and Even wants to turn around.  Isak inhales without breaking away and pulls Even closer.  Isak touches him, and the feelings rock his head backwards as Isak kisses his neck and pushes his body into his; they engulf his senses and steal away his worries. In this moment Even is only alive in the present, all thoughts of past and future melted away. Right now Even has just one goal in mind… to seek relief.

Isak’s right hand drops to Even’s thigh, pulling at Even’s boxers and pushing them down. Even couldn't move even if he tried, it’s like Isak’s fingers have short circuited his mind in the best possible way. 

Isak turns Even around and they tumble onto the bed, Isak’s eyes searching his. Even smiles and kisses him back. God, he tastes good.

In almost no time t hey are naked and tangled together, their pulsing cocks rubbing against each other's while they kiss deeply. 

Isak pulls off for a breather and Even gazes into those eyes again. 

–  You have really pretty eyes, Even tells him. Isak smiles at him. Even then places his hand on Isak's chest. Even can feel his pecs and his breathing. He’s radiating heat. Even’s hand slides across Isak’s chest and onto his abs. God, he has hard abs. Even’s hand continues to explore and goes around to the small of his back. Even can't stop himself from smiling. 

– What? Isak giggles at him.

– Nothing, it's just... just wow. You're too perfect, Even says and laughs breathily as they lie there, touching each other.

Isak just shakes his head, as he lets his hands explore Even’s body as well. He runs his hands up from Even’s stomach to his chest. Even grabs Isak’s sides and pulls him down to him. 

Isak’s hands then go down and grab Even’s ass. Even gasps as Isak kisses his neck and squeezes his ass. – Can I… can I fuck you? Isak asks.

Even nods. No hesitation. He wants this so badly that he hardly can control himself. He strokes his hands through Isak’s hair, and his hands shake in anticipation and lust.

– You're sure? Isak asks.

– Yeah.

_Yes, he's sure_. He's so damn sure. He wants Isak to fuck him now.

Isak still has doubt in his eyes.  – I'm kinda nervous, he admits. 

Even releases a shaky breath. – Me too. Just… let’s take it easy, he says, as he tries to give Isak a comforting smile.  

– Yeah, thanks, Isak says before kissing Even again. His lips move slowly and softly against Even’s, but there’s a fire in his movement that Even can’t ignore. Isak’s hands tangle into his hair and tugs. – God, I’ve wanted you so long, Even.

Even  moans as he feels the tug. _ I have wanted you for so long, too. _ Even’s hands reach up and tangle around Isak’s neck. He arches up into Isak’s broad chest, moaning at the contact of body heat against his own, kissing him deeper and deeper.

He pulls Isak closer as he’s starting to get desperate. – Isak, please... he whimpers, his body tense with arousal.

– I know, I know… 

Isak’s voice is soothing, but then he suddenly looks frustrated. – Fuck, I don't have a condom and lube, he groans. – I don’t.. _.  _

– I think I have a condom in my wallet, Even breathes shakily, reaching for his pants. – It's lubricated so you might not need lube, he rasps, almost desperately, handing it over to Isak. 

Isak’s hands shake as he takes it. – I don’t think that’s enough, though, he says. – We need more lube.

Even’s mind spins, trying to find a solution, thinking about oil and butter before he suddenly remembers that Mutta, Adam, and Mikael put lube into his backpack as a joke the last time they traveled together. That should still be there, left in one of the pockets. He dives for his backpack and rummages through it until he raises the tube triumphantly into the air. – Found it! 

Isak laughs. Even can see that he’s too horny to be embarrassed. Even loves that. He crawls back into the bed and watches Isak roll the condom over his long cock. _ Fuck, he looks so good _ , Even thinks as he licks his lips. He would have loved to take that beautiful cock into his mouth but at this particular moment, Even needs to be filled up. Taken. 

Even melts as Isak’s hands roam his body. Isak’s touch is so light and appreciative that it makes Even feel almost loved. Isak leans down and tastes Even’s dick, and his wet tongue and soft lips send shivers through Even and make him squirm. 

Isak rolls Even onto his belly and runs his hands up his legs, pulling apart his cheeks. Even trembles as Isak slowly presses his face down against him and his tongue begins to press at his hole.

_ Oh, fuck, is this really happening? _

Isak licks Even tentatively, then he lets his tongue push into Even’s hole. The feeling takes Even’s breath away and he moans into the pillow. 

The sensations are overwhelming, and Even can't stop himself from begging, his cock already dripping wet between his legs. – Fuck, please, Isak, he asks, and is rewarded with a moan before Isak spreads him even further apart and pushes his tongue deeper.

Even loves the feeling. Isak licks at him, prods at his hole with his tongue and moans all the while, nearly as much as Even does, as he eats him out. He gets Even wet and Even shoves back against Isak's mouth, shamelessly trying to get his tongue deeper, get it inside of him.

Even can hear when Isak opens the lube, and then he can feel how he uses his wet and slick fingers to open Even up.  When Isak carefully pushes his first finger in him, and continues to push it in and out, Even bends his spine, swears, moans and repeats Isak’s name. The sensation of opening up and letting Isak in is hot and weirdly emotional at the same time. Then Isak pushes two fingers in. Even is shaking and shivering as Isak’s tongue and strong fingers push and twist into him.

Even’s panting into the pillows when Isak pulls his face and hand from Even’s ass. Even hopes that the lubed condom and Isak’s lubed fingers have prepared him enough. Isak positions himself at his entrance. 

When Isak grabs hold of his hips and pushes in, Even groans out. At first there’s a resistance, but then the feeling of being filled up is amazing. Isak stops as Even grips the sheets. Isak’s voice is torn as he struggles to stay in control.

– You good? Isak stutters. 

– Yeah.

Even wants Isak in him; he wants Isak claiming him; he wants Isak to know how much he wants him. Even sighs as he feels his ass give way, and Isak sinks in a few more inches. Even whispers to Isak, his voice low and pleading. – Go slow; I want this, just please go slow.

Isak pulls slowly back, and when his head reaches Even’s ring he presses slowly in again. Even can’t hold back a strangled sound. Isak feels so damn good. Isak finally takes a full stroke and Even thinks he’s going to melt into a puddle. Isak moves a little rubbing Even’s prostate, and a jolt of pleasure rushes through Even. All he can do is moan and enjoy the sensations. 

_ This is happening.  _ Even shivers. How can this be real? Isak pushes into him with slow, long, deep strokes, pounding the reality of it into him. Isak’s lips never leave Even’s shoulders and neck as his body flexes against him. Isak’s movements make Even moan and grip the sheets. All the while Isak whispers how good it is, how much he loves to do this, how good Even is to him, how long he has dreamed of them, how he can’t believe it. No stupid porn talk, no trash; Isak makes love to Even with his voice like he does with his body: in slow, determined, honest conviction. Isak moves inside of Even like he's in awe.  – I can’t believe this –  his words are cut by a guttural moan that seems torn from deep within him. 

Even can't believe it either. Isak’s whispers could just be sex talk, of course, he's smart enough to realize that. But he doesn't want to think about it like that, doesn't want to consider having Isak but not having him for keeps. That’s just not an option.

Even feels how the tension builds like he never has felt it before, and he breathes and moves, and he moans for every breath, for every thrust. He comes, biting the pillow and groaning deeply. He feels the orgasm rushing through his whole body while he still feels Isak moving inside of him.  Isak pushes into him some more before he whimpers his name and shudders as he spills into the condom. 

Afterwards Even feels completely spent. Isak pulls him gently closer and holds him. Even releases a breath, as he is wrapped in Isak’s strength, as Isak whispers words of affection to him. 

It feels like home.

Even could have stayed there for hours. He knows that they should talk, though, and he’s not sure that he’ll like the conclusion of a talk. What if Isak says that this is just something temporary? What if he just wants to fuck around a little? What if Even’s illness scares the shit out of him? What if?

They should do something else; they can always talk later. It’s in the middle of the day, after all, and he’s curious about the snow outside. 

Even knows that he's avoiding the talk now, but he tells himself that it's for the better.

– Should we try to get out through the snow? he asks. – Get some fresh air?

Isak doesn’t look enthusiastic, but he nods. – Sure. Talk later, then?

Even nods, too. – Yeah, later.  

They put some clothes on and go outside. That is, they use all the force they have, to push the front door ajar, and then they manage to shovel away some of the snow, so that they can open the door completely. The two of them spend a couple of hours working together and shoveling some of the snow away.

It feels good to be working together, and Even realizes that he could get used to this. The thought of losing this thing with Isak feels more and more scary. 

He is just finishing shoveling, when he notices that Isak is watching him. 

– What? he asks, smiling. 

Isak smiles back. – I just thought about one thing. I kind of knew who you were before I saw you for the first time, you know?

– Yeah?

– Yeah, Isak says, blushing. – I noticed you back when I was in first year at Nissen, and Eva had transferred to Bakka. She posted some photos of you on Insta. 

Even feels hot in his head. He can’t believe it. – You’re not fucking with me now, right? I actually saw images of you on Eva’s insta, too. I remember that you did some rapping (and deepthroating a bottle, Even doesn't mention that).

Isak stares at him.  – No, that’s just… are you telling the truth now?

– Would I lie about something like that?

They laugh together, and it’s a quiet, careful laugh.

Even starts to hope, just a little bit, that this thing that’s happening between them, could be something more than a random fuck. Maybe.

In just that moment, they hear shouts from the forest. 

– Halla!

– Hi, guys! 

Even turns and sees a cluster of people approaching them on skis. 

– Fuck, Isak says, – they’re all here.

_ Yeah, fuck _ . Even’s almost disappointed. He would love to have some more time alone with Isak, to figure out all these unspoken things between them. And will things become weird between them now, that their friends are here? 

Isak meets Even’s gaze, and for a moment he looks uncertain. – What do we… Should we tell them? About us?

Even swallows. – Uh… I want to, if it’s alright with you?

Isak nods. – Yeah, I’m good with that. But… what do we say?

That’s a good question. They haven’t defined what they have yet, and Even doesn’t have a clue. – That we… have a thing?

– We have a thing. Yeah, that makes sense, Isak says and licks his lips. 

Even suddenly fears that he won’t be able to kiss Isak for a while. – So, what about... PDA? Can I kiss you when the others are around? Can we hug?

Isak stares at him. – Uh, yeah, that’s okay. I think? Just take it a little slow, alright? 

– Sure, Even nods. He can make it slow, he thinks, and decides to take a step away from Isak. To control himself. But before he manages to do anything, Isak is on him, smashing his lips against his.

– Just one kiss more, he breathes, into Even’s mouth, and there’s a desperation in his eyes. – Just one before they’re all here.

Even nods, as he tries not to lose himself too much in the sweet taste of Isak’s lips. He manages to take a step back, just as all of their friends enter the front yard.

Isak and Even smile and laugh as the two of them are greeted with cheers, hugs and hello’s.

Sana gives Even the longest hug. – What did I just see? she whispers, smiling and with stars in her eyes. – Were you two kissing?

– Yeah, well, we have a thing, Even answers. – Don’t ask me what it is, but it’s a thing.

– Well, it’s a beginning, Sana smirks. 

Yousef is suddenly there, like Sana’s shadow, patting Even’s back. – Seems like you’re doing something right, he smiles. – I’m happy for you.

Even notices that Isak is met with similar greetings, whispered talks and pats on his back from his friends.

Then they get to introduce themselves to each other’s friends. Isak’s friends seem great. Even recognises Magnus, who interrupted them in Nordmarka, at once. Magnus hugs him like they have known each other for ages. Even’s friends are loud, as always, and Isak mostly seems charmed by them. 

One of Sana’s friends, Vilde, runs around giving everyone a red Santa hat, talking loudly about the activities she has planned.

– The snow storm delayed us, but we should still have some fun, she says. – We’re going to do the ski race and play some Christmas games. And eat some julegrøt. The boys can make the rice porridge.

Isak looks slightly terrified. – Fuck I hate games like this, and I have eaten enough Christmas porridge for a lifetime already this Christmas.

Even laughs. – I thought I was the one to stress out because of the ski race. Relax, stay with me and I’ll make sure you’ll have fun.

Isak gives him a doubtful look. – Promise?

– Promise.

Even keeps his word. As they team up into three teams, Even makes sure that he ends up with Isak. Their first assignment is to make the rice porridge, while another team sets up the trail for the race, and the third makes a quiz that they can compete with. 

Even does what he can to make sure that Isak has some fun as they work. He cracks jokes and kisses him and does everything to make Isak smile. The group decide to make the porridge outside, and Isak seems to like the idea. In fact,  when the two of them find a campfire pan that they can warm the porridge up in over the fire, he’s enthusiastic about it.

– We used to have one of these when I was a kid, he says, and in that moment he looks so much like a kid that Even has to kiss him. 

Even has a great time. He even gets to know Isak’s friends a little. When one of his teammates, Magnus, complains about his crush on Vilde, Even tells him to take desperate to a new level. Magnus seems to take his advice to heart, and Even can see the fond amusement in Isak’s eyes. 

It starts to get dark, so they let the porridge be porridge and join the quiz and the race, and both Even’s worries and Isak’s resistance towards the games seem to be pointless. In the end, they have a lot of fun. Isak makes sure their group wins the quiz, followed quickly by Sana’s group. 

The race is a wild ride, with almost no rules. The twelve of them  rush through the snow, shouting and laughing, and pushing each other down. Even is glad that he has fought dirty with Isak before; it seems to help him stay on his feet.

Sana wins the race, just a moment before Elias and Isak. Even is very pleased to be number six. Isak rewards him with a kiss. Even’s frozen breath mingles with Isak’s as they stare at each other, both of them a little unsteady. A glimmer of desire glows in Isak’s eyes for a moment. Then Even tackles him into the snow and kisses him one more time.

Even watches Isak’s face smiling up at him, and he realizes that he doesn't care much about who wins the race and who loses. He’s more focused on how cute Isak is with his Santa hat on, or on how he’s supposed to figure out what Isak wants. 

After all, they still haven’t talked about everything, and who knows how long their “thing” is going to last. 

Even secretly decides that he’s going to make the most of it, for as long as he can. When the evening is dark around them, they all gather around the campfire pan, and Even snuggles up next to Isak. When they eat the julegrøt with cinnamon, sugar and butter, and search for the the almond, Even leans into Isak, and pretends to be looking for the almond in Isak’s bowl. When Vilde delivers the marzipan pig prizes for the winners, he kisses Isak long and slow, forgetting everything about the others. 

Everything’s going pretty well. 

After hours out in the snow, they are all cold and tired, so they go inside to chill in the living room. They warm up in front of the fireplace with some of Isak’s hot cocoa. Everybody’s chatting about the ski race and everything that went on out in the snow. Even smiles, listening to the chatter, and makes sure that he finds a place next to Isak. He savours the sweet taste of the hot beverage and enjoys the warmth from Isak’s body. He could really get used to this.

He is in such a good mood, that when Vilde asks him to help put up some Christmas ornaments, he’s happy to oblige, although he silently thinks it’s not always a blessing to be tall. He gets up from the sofa, stretches his legs and follows her. As he hangs up the decoration in the doorway ( _ mistletoe _ , Vilde whispers), he looks over at Isak. He seems to be in a deep conversation with Eva, and Even feels how his chest warms up.  _ Finally _ . He smiles widely, as he lets Vilde chat about Christmas ornaments and decorations. He had wondered when Eva and Isak would have their talk. He knows that Isak feels guilty for what happened in their first year at Nissen, and he knows that Eva is way over that. He knows that they both miss each other. It’s about time they talk.

Isak and Eva hug, and Even’s heart almost bursts out of his chest. That’s when Isak looks up. He gives Even a little smile. A content one. Even smiles back.

– Seriously? It’s like I’m not here, Vilde sighs, and Even snaps out of it. 

– Sorry he says, and hugs her, but he can’t stop smiling. – I’m just kind of infatuated with Isak, you know. 

Vilde nods. – Yeah, you’re lucky.  

Even looks at her. She almost looks a little sad. – I know. But don’t worry, Vilde. I will say that the risk is high that you will encounter someone who’s infatuated with you today, too.

She stares at him. – What?

Right then, Magnus interrupts them, and Even has to laugh because of the coincidence. –  Can I talk to you, Vilde? Magnus asks. – I can help you with the decorations, if you like?

– Sure, Vilde nods, and Even grins, knowing that Magnus will probably try out taking desperate to another level. Fun.

Even goes back to sit next to Isak.

– So, do you regret transferring to Bakka? he hears Isak ask Eva.

– No, I don’t. I got to keep my friends and get some new ones, too. I wouldn’t recommend it to someone else, though. It takes a lot to start over like that.

She looks quickly at Even, and smiles. – There you are! One of the reasons that I’m glad I transferred! You can be so relieved you missed the part where we giggled over your hotness, Even.

Isak grins, and Even suspects that Eva is actually speaking the truth.  _ Weird _ . Isak is the hot one in their relationship, everyone must see that? He forgets his train of thought as Isak gives him another kiss, and Eva moves to chat a little with Noora.

Even leans back with Isak and takes in the pleasant buzz in the room. It seems like most of them are having such a good time. They are all surprised when Jonas, Isak’s friend with dark curls, suddenly turns up. And Even has a lot of fun talking to him about Eva, trying to figure out if they still have a connection. 

Isak seems to have a lot of fun with it, too. – You should find out if she wants more, Jonas, he says. – Tell her that you need to know if she’s not interested anymore. Straight up.

Jonas looks a little intrigued by the idea.

That’s when Mutta blows it all. 

– I never thought you two would get together, he says, laughing a little. – Not after you heard what Isak said, Even. But I guess, you have figured it all out. Talked and shit. That’s good.

Even stops breathing.

– After I said what? Isak says, confused. 

_ Oh fuck.  _ Even tries to signal to Mutta to STOP, but it’s hopeless.  

Mutta smiles and is eager to explain. – Well, you know, that you don’t want crazy people in your life, or whatever it was. Even kind of stopped obsessing about you after he heard that.

The silence in the room is deafening. Everybody stares at Isak and Even. 

Isak stares at Mutta. – When? I didn’t…?  _ Fuuuck. _

He pales and stares at Even. His eyes are almost black of something that must be dread. – I… Shit, Even, did you hear me say that? 

Even feels like he’s paralyzed, he doesn’t know what to say.

Isak groans. – Oh god, I’m so sorry. You know I didn’t mean it like that, right?

– He really didn’t, Jonas confirms, although it looks like he doesn’t know why this is an issue for Even. – He was having a rough time and he just needed to let out some steam.

Isak looks grateful, but he’s still pale. He almost looks like he’s about to faint. Even watches him, and all the eyes watching them, and he swallows loudly, struggling to find the right words. – I know, Isak. I know what it was all about now, he says. Then he takes a deep breath. – I guess we should talk. 

– Thank fuck, yes, you should! Magnus says. 

– It’s about time, Sana nods from a corner.

Even blushes, but seeks Isak’s eyes. – Can we go away for a minute? And talk?

Isak nods. He still looks pale, and now he looks a little down, too, for some reason. Almost defeated. – Sure, he says and gets up. – Let’s talk.

When they get into the bedroom, they don’t talk at once, though. Even can’t help it, he has to kiss Isak again, and feel their connection once more. Isak’s lips are soft, and there’s a desperation in his kiss that surprises Even. 

But then Isak pulls back. He sits down on the bed. – I’m sorry, Even. I’m so sorry I said those things. 

Even sits down next to him, taking his hand. – It was at a party, Isak, a long time ago. And I guess you were mad and scared about your mom. It rattled me, but you were drunk and miserable, and you didn’t know me at all. Just… Don’t think about it. 

Isak sighs. – Oh, I’ll never forget it, believe me. Fuck, when you said you saw me at a party back then, I had hoped I gave you a better impression.

Even smiles a little, and brushes his hand with his thumb. – You did, Isak. The first time I saw you, I wanted to know you at once. I kind of withdrew when I heard you say that, though.

Isak groans and hides his face in his hands. – Fuck. I say some stupid things before I think sometimes, Even. Especially when I’m angry, or scared, or frustrated. Jonas scolds me for it all the time, and Eskild, one of my flatmates, too. And I’m afraid it’s probably not even the last time. 

He drops his hands from his face and looks at Even. – But I try to learn from my mistakes. Okay?

– Yeah, I know, Isak, I know, Even says, smiling a little. He knows about Isak’s willingness to learn. Hell, Sana has even told him about it. 

– I don’t know if it helps, but you were right about one thing. Mental illnesses aren’t easy. 

He takes a deep breath, like he’s trying to breathe in courage and bravery. – I can be horrible to be around, Isak, I mean it. When I’m manic it can be impossible to calm me down. I do reckless things, and can spend all my money or lose myself in one of my projects. Sometimes, when I feel controlled, I get irritable and angry. When I lose it completely, I can be a danger to myself and others. And when I’m depressed, it’s like I’m not even there. And then I only want everything to… stop. 

Isak stares at him. – You don’t have to tell me all this, he says. – I mean, I appreciate knowing more about how things are with you, but I know about the downsides, okay? I have lived with my mother for most of my life, after all.

Even nods. He trusts that Isak knows. However, his own speech has triggered his own doubts and worries. He’s just too fucked up to be with someone. No matter what happens, he’s doomed to mess up everything, one way or another. Isak can’t possibly want more than random fucks from him. Right?

It’s silent between them for a moment, while they both seem to gather their thoughts. Even feels miserable and scared.  _ Shit _ , they really need to talk about this. About them. What does Isak want? Even doesn’t know how to ask.

In the end, Isak sighs. –  So... What now? he asks. 

The question isn’t exactly surprising, but it still scares Even shitless. Isak has this final look on his face. Like it’s ended already. Even doesn't want this to end at all. 

– I don’t know, he says. – I guess it depends on what you want. Do you want this to be just something temporary? Do you want to end this? I know we never said it should last, so… 

Even can’t look at Isak. He’s suddenly overwhelmed by doubt. Of course Isak wants to end it. – I guess this is over then, Even says with badly hidden disappointment in his voice. 

Isak sits there and doesn't say anything right away. Just stares at him with wide eyes.  – Do you want to end this? he asks. 

Even wonders why his voice suddenly is so small.

He doesn’t know what to say, although he knows very well what he wants and what he doesn’t want. No, he fucking doesn’t want to end this. He wants to be with Isak as much as he can for as long as he can, goddammit! 

_ Why is it so difficult to say out loud? _

Isak looks at him, and there’s another shift in his eyes. Suddenly Even sees his strong will and stubbornness again.  – I know that I said some stupid shit, Even, and I know I’m not the most interesting person in the world, and I know I’m bad at talking about things, but can’t you please give me another chance? I don’t wanna end this. 

Even’s heart is threatening to burst out of his chest. – You don’t?

– No, of course not, Even. 

– But I’m really not an easy guy to be with, Isak. I fuck up things all the time. 

Isak shrugs. – Who doesn’t? I’ve never met anyone like you, and… You said that you were interested in more, remember? Can’t we just  keep seeing each other? 

Even’s heart beats so loudly that he almost can’t think. He looks closely at Isak to make sure he’s being serious. He is. Isak looks brave when he continues.  – I fell for you  _ ages  _ ago, Even, though I never knew you. Then I got to meet you for real and I fell for a second time. And I don’t want to give up after a half assed attempt at something. I want to try for real.  

– A half assed attempt, huh? Even smiles, as he feels some of the tension releasing from his shoulders. – I would like to try for real, too, he says, and feels braver than he has ever been. – I noticed you a long time ago, too, Isak. And… I have never felt like this before. Ever.

Isak swallows, and his eyes are green forests that Even wants to hide in. – Me neither.

Even moves closer, but then he hesitates for a moment. – You don’t know half the shit you’ll have to endure with me, though. 

– Well, enough of that. You don’t know half the shit you’ll have to endure with me, either, Isak answers. – Let’s just take a day at a time. 

Even smiles a little. – Okay. I can do that. So. Tomorrow it’s New Year’s Eve…

– No, no, no.  _ One  _ day at a time, Even. We start with today. 

Isak seems to have regained some of his confidence now, and he smiles a teasing smile. 

Even can’t help smiling back. – We do, huh?

– Yeah, Isak nods, and comes closer. He rests his hands on Even’s hips and nuzzles his nose.

– So what do we do today, then? 

– Right now, we should kiss. 

So they do. 

Isak is gentle as he gives Even sweet kisses and caresses his face. Isak’s mouth tastes minty of candy canes, cool and warm at the same time. Even sighs, feeling a sense of relief, and  _ home _ . Isak draws him closer to deepen the kiss. As they part Even sees Isak’s eyes sparkle and lips curve up into a smile and Even can't help but smile back.

– What next? Even asks.

Isak shrugs. – We could go back to the others? See if they have started another silly competition, maybe?   

– Sure, Even agrees.

They turn to go to the living room, but as they open the door, Mutta pops up in front of them. He seems to have been waiting for them. 

– Uh, hi, guys, he says, with a guilty look on his face. – I’m sorry for saying those things. I just…

– Don’t worry, Mutta, Isak says with a smile. – How could you know that we were so hopeless at talking to each other? 

Mutta shrugs, and smiles. – Well, I know Even. I could have guessed. 

– Ah, yeah, Isak says laughing.

– Yeah, yeah, Even says, rolling his eyes. – We have talked about most things  _ now _ , so… Don’t worry, Mutta. We’re good.

– Let’s go back to the others, Isak says, and puts his arm around Mutasim’s shoulder. – I wanna hear how Sana cheated to win that race. 

– Yeah, right, Mutta laughs, as they walk down the hallway. – She beats us at everything, that girl. But I would like another cup of that cocoa you made, Isak. It was so good. What’s your secret?

Even grins. – Isak has a thing where he puts weird spices into drinks. Cardamom in the coffee and chili in the cocoa. What was it this time? Cinnamon?

– Yeah, Isak laughs, putting his other arm around Even. – That’s right, I’m the master of flavours, baby. 

– I believe you, Even says, smiling into another kiss. 

They go into the living room, where the others are gathered, playing a board game, laughing and shouting. 

Even is happy to sink down into a corner next to Isak, and enjoy their quiet bubble for a moment, while all the others are having a good time. He can’t quite believe it. He and Isak have this moment together, and they both want to give it a chance. It’s more than he ever could have imagined, three weeks ago.

He leans his head on Isak’s shoulder. – I can’t stop thinking about that morning when I met you in Nordmarka, and I was freezing my ass off, he whispers. 

Isak grins. – Yeah? 

– Had I known that it would end up like this, I would have been even more motivated. 

Isak laughs. – You just loved that I bossed you around. Admit it. 

Even hums. – That, too. It’s kinda hot, sometimes. You should try it. 

– Oh yeah? Maybe you should be my personal… something, then? Isak grins, raising his eyebrows.  

Even laughs, as he snuggles closer. – Well not your personal trainer, that’s for sure. 

Isak holds him tight. – You could be my personal cuddler. That’s a thing, actually, did you know that?

Even takes in the sight of him. Isak looks so beautiful and relaxed in that moment, and Even can’t help kissing him again. – I  _ am  _ your personal cuddler already, he says. 

– Yeah you are. And you’re going to be, for a long time. 

– Yeah.

And right in that moment, everything is said. They fall into a comfortable silence, absent mindedly watching the others and partly listening to their cheers and laughter. Even is warm and safe. He hears Isak’s heartbeat loud and clear and everyone’s chatter as a vague sound in the background. He’s just where he wants to be.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like it so far, please tell me if you do. <3 I would love it if you find me on Tumblr, I'm @crazyheartfics.


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